Tag Archives: team sports

Would You Wednesday (NSFW)

Posted on August 15, 2012 by | Leave a comment

Smile! You’re taking a mugshot!

This may be it for Chad Johnson.

After being arrested Saturday night on domestic violence charges, Chad Johnson was released by the Miami Dolphins less than 24 hours later. Chad Johnson’s career looks to be on life support as training camps are very much well under way while his legal troubles may just be starting. His chances of landing on another team may be close to zero.

Chad Johnson & Evelyn Lozada during much happier times

And he can thank his wife of 41 days for all the drama. After meeting and marrying VH1′s reality TV star, Evelyn Lozada, the former Mrs. Antoine Walker, things seemed to be picking up for the wideout formerly known as Ochocinco. But like all affairs that start off on the internets, they met on twitter, these type of relationships can turn sour pretty damn fast.

But when the media found out that Chad Johnson was being charged with headbutting his wife after she discovered a receipt for “the most expensive box of condoms ever“, well Evelyn Lazada suddenly became my favorite gold-digger. She knows to #@$% with NoRubbers!

Evelyn Lozada — Would you…with no rubbers?

Oh, and it certainly helped that she’s got some nudes floating around.

Hit the jump for more (NSFW).

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4½ Things You Should Probably Know About Sex In The Olympic Village

Posted on August 2, 2012 by | 2 Comments

The Olympic Village sounds like a very magical place.

Where else on Earth can you gather up more than 10,000 of the most healthiest athletes from all parts of the world in one concentrated area of a major city? Only in London 2012.

The XXX Olympic Games

In a story published in ESPN The Magazine’s The Body Issue (July 2012), writer Sam Allpour exposes all the dirty little sex secrets of what sounds like the very best orgy that only comes around every four years.

Four and a half things you should probably know about the Olympic Village:

Ain’t no fun if the US Women’s Volleyball Team can’t get none

1. Everyone’s looking to get laid. Gymnasts. Swimmers. Pole Vaulters. And Skeet Shooters. Even the parapalegics are gonna get some lovin’. I mean, this may be the single largest collection of some of the best looking bodies you’ll ever see and it only comes around once every four years. So… why not make some memories? Everyone’s running on testosterone and adrenaline, looking to burn an insane amount of calories (9,000 calories/day diets!) anyways, and the fastest way to do relieve stress is to find a flat surface and hit up pound town.

The Olympic Games haven’t changed much since Ancient Greece

2. Debauchery was invented by the Greeks. And so was the first orgy. Keeping in line with the spirit of the Olympic Games, first held in Greece, the Olympics continue to espouse the virtues of fair play and sportsmanship. And by growing itself into the single most-watched sporting event in the world through an endless supply of ever-increasing sponsorship, TV revenue, and fierce competition, the Olympic Games have truly become a celebration of the “amateur athlete”. So, be like the Ancient Greeks and party like Athens is on fire!

I bet Hope Solo #@$%s with No Rubbers

3. First rule of the Olympics: Practice safe sex. 100,000 condoms. That is now the standing order for how many condoms are ordered each and every Olympic Games. That astronomical figure represents an increase of 30,000 prophylactics originally ordered for the 2000 Sydney Games. Apparently 70,000 rubbers aren’t enough for 10,000 athletes. Honestly, if you asked me they shouldn’t be using condoms at all. Why not #@$% with no rubbers and make an entirely new race of superhuman, athletically gifted yet racially ambiguous superbabes?

Say “Aahhh”

4. The best day is always the last day. When the Games are finally over, there’s a huge party hosted by the host nation. Then there’s a final orgy farewell inside the Olympic Stadium during the Closing Ceremonies which us regular folk can’t watch. It usually involves Team USA’s Women’s Soccer Team getting plastered and sneaking celebrities in an out of Hope Solo’s room. I’m not sure if you were aware, but Hope Solo catches balls for a living. And since these are athletes we’re talking about, their stamina allows for the party to continue on the plane ride home.

4½. I call dibs on Alex Morgan.

America’s greatest export? Hot young female athletes

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The Post-Graduate League: Chapter 9 & 10

Posted on February 3, 2012 by | Leave a comment

Perhaps most importantly, the league brought together a group of friends and one uninvited guest, living across 4 different time zones, in one place again. And while it might not be the same behind a glossy computer screen, it was great to know that no matter how much time might have passed since our days rocking the hallowed institution of higher education together, we were all pretty much still petulant little children trapped inside the bodies of mostly grown-ass men.

This is the story of The Post-Graduate League.

Chapter 9

Gamesmanship

“In this game we play, there’s this thing we call gamesmanship. It’s a natural part of the game. Some of you may not like it. Some of you make even think it’s a bit unfair. But at the end of the day it’s what separates the good coaches from the great coaches. Great coaches know that when they’ve got their opponent beat, the only way to ensure they walk off that field victorious is to stick that dagger in deeper, twist and turn the blade as you step on that loser’s juggular and then, and only then, can they say they’ve won. Good coaches… Good coaches know when to ice kickers. Most of you aren’t great coaches. Hell, most of you aren’t even good coaches. Most of you got here with a little help — by stumbling onto a sleeper, picking up a player who was stuck on the waiver wire, or with the help of dumb, stupid Luck. That’s the funny thing about sports, isn’t it? All you really need is one bounce, one tipped ball, a misstep here, a misstep there, and then boom you’ve somehow find your way into the field of 8. It’s unfair. It’s random as shit. But that’s Life.

Life doesn’t owe you a goddamn thing. Seriously, why would it give you anything when all it really wants to do is screw you? For those of us who are sick and tired of getting #@$%ed by the follies of the cruel wench that is Life, there is Gamesmanship. Some of you know it as “it”. Others refer to it as supreme confidence. And yet more call it swagger. It’s all of those things and none of those all at once. It’s that quality that all great #@$%ers possess. It’s that moment when you grab that unforgiving bitch that is Life, turn her around, bend her over, raise her skirt, strip off her panties, and stick your big fat prick inside her and you #@$% her. With no rubbers — of course.”

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The Post-Graduate League: Chapter 7 & 8

Posted on December 3, 2011 by | 3 Comments

Perhaps most importantly, the league brought together a group of friends and one uninvited guest, living across 4 different time zones, in one place again. And while it might not be the same behind a glossy computer screen, it was great to know that no matter how much time might have passed since our days rocking the hallowed institution of higher education together, we were all pretty much still petulant little children trapped inside the bodies of mostly grown-ass men.

This is the story of The Post-Graduate League.

Chapter 7

Who Gone Stop Me Now?

After beating the uninvited guest, I looked at my team and wondered aloud just who in the hell was going to stop me now. Nut Buster couldn’t do it. The uninvited guest definitely couldn’t do it. Neither could the Darren McFadden, Drew Brees and Chris Johnson-powered offense of the Alburquerque HotKarls. Yeah bro, I was about to embark on a #@$%in’ roll. Riding high on the arm of Eli “Elite” Manning and the legs and hands of the Hakeem Nicks, Greg Jennings, and Ahmad Bradshaw. Not to mention that my team’s namesake had finally returned from injury, determined to make up for all the missed points.

Shit, I was unstoppable bro.

Not even Giants’ bye week was going to stop me. Yeah, the troubles of drafting an entire team’s offense onto your fantasy squad. Eli… Hakeem… Ahmad… And oh yeah, I just picked up the Giants’ tight end, Jake Ballard, the week before.

Yeah, I was about to get #@$%ed.

Wait, nevermind. I just beat his ass like he stole candy from a baby.

How you like me now?

With that little hiccup over with, I continued winning games just like the Giants. I showed no mercy. No team was safe. When matchup-ed against Black President, a league member who was already screwed out of fielding a competitive team by our league’s behind-the-scenes machinations, I didn’t take it easy on him. I smacked him in the mouth by 28 points. Sorry Black President. I really didn’t mean to do that.

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Was This The Worst Year In College Football History

Posted on November 22, 2011 by | 1 Comment

Unless you’re a LSU fan (in which case, #@$% you), 2011 will go down as one of the toughest years in college football history. From the onslaught of scandals to the re-jiggering of conferences to the fact that the BCS is crumbling before our very eyes, college football has had to endure a year like no other.

I could not have predicted as much way back when, when the season kicked off. Seriously, even my perverted mind could not have predicted that JoePa would be leaving Penn State for covering up for a pedophile showering in his locker room.

Three and a half things you should probably know:

Losing makes her ='(

1. Nobody wanted to be No. 2. LSU took over as the No. 1 team in the polls after dismantling a very good Oregon team. Oklahoma fell to No. 2. Then lost to Texas Tech. Then Alabama took over. They lost to LSU. Then Oklahoma State took the spot. They lost to Iowa State. Then everyone else with a legit shot at being the second best team in the country lost. So now we’ve got 3 teams from the SEC West in the top 3 spots. Yes, there will be a playoff system in play soon and yes, only the SEC will be allowed to play in it.

One Championship to rule them all

2. The B10 continues to make its case as the conference that doesn’t want anything to do with anyone else. 2011 was the first year in which the Big Ten played within a 2 division conference with a championship game tacked on at the end. It will go down as one of the most unintentionally shooting oneself in the face ideas ever. All this in-conference football has led to one of the worst case scenarios ever for the most storied football conference in all the land. Not only does the conference not have any sort of shot at the National Championship game, but there’s a cluster#@$% of teams at the top that all have a legitimate case for playing in the first ever Big Ten Championship Game in Indianapolis. Change is good but sometimes transitions really do suck.

Pedo State

3. College football scandals getting sicker with every story. In a year when college football was slammed for its apparent lack of control over its institutions, the scandals just kept on coming. We had a convicted felon telling Yahoo! Sports about his alleged days making it rain at “The U”. Then came all sorts of news regarding Ohio State, Jim Tressel, and “tattoo-gate“. Butch Davis was fired for running yet another football program that didn’t care how his players passed their classes. Even Boise State got in on it and told us how they somehow slipped up and helped student athletes find cheaper housing — just to prove they’re a real football program too. For a while, we had talking heads arguing about the pros and cons of paying college athletes (which we already do — it’s called a scholarship). Oh, and can’t forget about the whole pedophile using his children’s charity and ties to Penn State’s football team to prey on little boys. How’d I forget that one?

3½. At least no one died this season, right? #@$%, too soon?

R.I.P. Garrett Uekman

R.I.P. Derek Sheely

R.I.P. Austin Box

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Jerry Sandusky Denies Being A Pedophile But His Lawyer Does Not

Posted on November 15, 2011 by | 1 Comment

He should probably go into hiding until the trial

Last night, Jerry Sandusky spoke out publicly for the first time regarding the sexual assault charges levied against him. He spoke with Bob Costas over the phone in an attempt to clear his name before he is set to go on trial and answer for his crimes.

Some highlights from the phone call (from WWTDD):

“Well, I could say that, you know, I have done some of those things. I have horsed around with kids. I have showered after workouts. I have hugged them and I have touched their legs, without intent of sexual contact. But, um… uh… So, if you look at it that way… uh… there are things that… that… uh… wouldn’t… uh, you know, would be accurate.”

“Am I sexually attracted to underage boys? Sexually attracted? You know, I enjoy young people. I, I love to be around them. I, I… But no, I’m not sexually attracted to young boys.” (Bad choice of words.)

“OK, we were showering and… and horsing around. And he (the boy) actually turned all the showers on and was actually sliding across the floor and um and we were, as I recall, possibly, like, snapping a towel and horseplay.” (That doesn’t sound gay at all.)

So yeah, if Jerry Sandusky is found not guilty, we’ll know why. How? Because he’s got the best defense lawyer in the pedophilia business — like ever. Sandusky’s lawyer, Joe Amendola, is no stranger to #@$%ing young people.

I get pedos off.

In 1996, when Amendola was a spritely 49 years old, he was overseeing the emancipation case of Mary Iavasile. She was 16 years old at the time. She was also having unprotected sex with Joe Amendola at the time. How do I know this? Because you don’t pop out babies while wearing rubbers. Which she did, before she turned 18.

Just how did these two lovebirds meet?

“She met him through the school district; she was interested in the law,” Mary’s mother, Janet Iavasile said.

So there you have it. Another great pairing of lawyer and client.

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