Tag Archives: Teagan Pressley

Number 1 Seeds Like It On Top

The final 64 seeds have been set and now the real party orgy begins. Same rules apply.

West Bracket – Round of 64

Isis Taylor vs Teagan Presley

Goddamn. Isis Taylor may, quite possibly, be the best-looking broad working in the game right now. She’s fucking gorgeous. As a self-proclaimed “valley girl” (check that tat!) her perfect blend of Peruvian, Scottish, and Israeli looks is a superb example of what interracial sex can produce. And boy, does she love all shades of dick. As one of the prettiest broads to be bent over and with more than 100 credits since entering the biz in 2008, Isis Taylor enters the bracket as a more than justified No. 1 seed.

Running up against her is the ever so talented but now semi-retired Teagan Presley. A hot blonde with a great set of fake tits. The prototypical porn starlet.

Analyze this match-up a little deeper and an interesting debate pops up: Who’d you rather — the blonde chick vs the exotic chick. Watching the tape, I can’t keep my eyes off Isis. Her looks are just so striking and different which give her that certain flash that you don’t get from a blonde Teagan (no matter how loud she’s screaming while on her side). Yeah, Teagan’ll do anal but I’d rather have Isis looking up at me while deepthroating. Isis takes the cake and lets you wipe it all over her nice round ass too.

Midwest Bracket – Round of 64

Sunny Leone vs Chanel Preston

This was probably my least favorite bracket to bust judge. I’ve got Sunny Leone, one starlet I have no problem calling a role model, going up against one of my favorite up-and-comers in Chanel Preston. Both girls are ridiculously hot. Breathtaking, even. But only one could pass.

I really like Sunny Leone. I like reallllllly like her. So does the rest of America. She has become a celebrity in her own right by embracing her career in the adult industry while also acknowledging her very hard to miss Punjabi heritage. And she’s #@$%in’ banging. Magazines have ranked her as one of the hottest porn stars ever and you don’t become Penthouse of The Year by being no slouch.

What made this match-up really even was the fact that while Sunny Leone is a huge name, her film credits kind of leave a lot to be desired (33 as an actress, 22 as a director). While she does enjoy a good dick #@$%ing, it seems like she gets a boyfriend every other month only to avoid dick for that month before binging once she inevitably breaks up. So there’s that… But she sucks a mean dick and looks amazing doing it.

And Chanel Preston hasn’t stopped upping her work rate which is tremendous for such a hungry performer. You can see that enthusiasm in her performance which includes a lot of dick sucking and cum guzzling. And anal.

To be perfectly honest, I flipped a coin and picked Chanel Preston. Upset special! Sunny Leone just couldn’t overtake her no matter how ridiculously better-looking she may be than all the rest. Chanel Preston is going to be a force from now on. Kind of like Gonzaga during the late 90′s — blowing up onto the scene as a mid-major stalwart before becoming regular Sweet 16 darling. I really dig Chanel Preston, especially when she’s gagging on that dick while rubbing it with both hands. It got me in my zone!

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Last Ones In Are The First Ones To Get #@$%ed

Pornstar Madness finally gets rolling with the first play-in game. And while most people associate play-in games with the last eight or so to get in (the last ones to the orgy, if you will), we do things differently here at No Rubbers.

Like I always say, the first 9 pornstars to play in are the first ones to get #@$%ed. So don’t get your panties in such a wad when you see these hotties up on the board first. There are some real heavy hitters up on the board and they’re consummate pros. Girls that bring it every time they step on set. They’ve probably bounced on more dicks than your ex-girlfriends combined, so why are they the first ones up?

Because they’re really fun to jerk off to.

Now a lot of you may be asking how do I plan on going about judging the match-ups? Well, the only way to really have this judged in a fairly objective way is to pick a streaming porno video at random featuring said porn star and a dick (or two) and then judging each experience on the following criteria:

  • Performance. Does she put her back into it? Is she a screamer? Does she maintain eye contact making me think she made this porno just for me?
  • Looks. Is she hot? Does she look hot when she’s taking it in the ass?
  • Skill set. How is her overall game? Does she give a sloppy blowjob? Can she deep throat? Does she do anal? Can she squirt? Fisting? Does she do creampies? Will she or won’t she? Spit or swallow?
  • XXX-Factor. That little extra something that elevates the porn star’s game to another level. The killer instinct. A certain je nais se quoi. That panache that separates her from the rest. If Simon Cowell made a show, he’d name it XXX-Factor. Someone get me a development deal.

So let’s get to work (all links to videos will be NSFW).

West Bracket – 69th Seed (Last Ones In):

Kelly Divine vs Random Asian Schoolgirl

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