Tag Archives: sodomy

Meet Your Neighbor Monday

“Hi, my name is James Robert Johnson. I am a 65 year old retiree. I like dogs and fishing on the weekends. I am also a registered sex offender. I was convicted of sodomizing a four year old girl.

It was April 3rd, 2002. It was raining that day, I think. The four year old was running around outside when it started to drizzle. Fearing that she would catch a cold, I offered her a dry place to stay in my small home. She did not hesitate. Once inside, I ran to my closet and grabbed the smallest towel I could find. I helped her dry off by softly patting her tiny chubby arms and legs. Having never had children of my own, I did not know how soft a toddler’s skin could be. It was, quite possibly, the greatest feeling I have ever felt. It was then that I discovered I had popped a boner.

I live in Houston County of Dothan, AL. My address is 3145 Montgomery Highway Room 151.

I am your neighbor.”

Robert Pattinson And Taylor Lautner Share A Gay Kiss

In what might be the definitive piece of evidence needed to convince your tween sister and/or girlfriend (hopefully not the same girl, although I’m not judging) that Twilight encourages sodomy and underage sex, Robert Pattinson kissed Taylor Lautner last night at the MTV Movie Awards.

All the proof I’ll ever need in convincing that 15 year-old to do anal.

“No, I don’t want you sticking it in there! I heard anal was gay.”

“Yeah?! Well, I heard Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner are gay. They kissed. On the lips.”

“… Do me in the ass.”