Sometimes we, as humans, forget that we are animals. Members of an Animal Kingdom where instincts and primal urges drive most of our daily actions and activities. It’s an important thing to keep in mind considering we very rarely get off that gerbil wheel that is the work-life cycle. So please don’t judge this sea lion too harshly for doing what many of us would have naturally done if given the chance to stand so close to Shakira.
According to Gawker and The Sun, international pop star Shakira, who is also noted for being supremely talented at looking good-looking, was almost mauled by a sea lion while chilling on the beach with her bro. Per Shakira’s facebook, things went down like this:
“This afternoon I happened to see some sea lions and seals. I thought how cute they were so decided to get closer than all of the other tourists and went down to a rock. Suddenly, one jumped out of the water so fast that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me.” (Shakira)
Turns out Shakira is more into Happy Feet.
Had Shakira known better, she would’ve known that that was just the sea lion’s way of asking her if she wanted to go someplace quieter. I mean, when I’m out eye contact, roaring, and biting are just some of the moves I use to seduce my next
prey victim date.
Not gonna lie, sea lions are cute as shit.
Shakira, it’s alright. That sea lion was just horny. Your natural beauty transcends interspecies boundaries. We are, after all, just animals.
More animated Shakira .gifs after the jump
Posted in Gossip-Mongering, Hardbodies
Tagged animal attack, Animal Kingdom, animal sex, animals, animated gif, ass, attack, babes, beautiful, butt, caboose, chick, Colombian, cute butt, derriere, gif, gorgeous, great ass, Hardbodies, Hips Don't Lie, hottie, nice ass, nice butt, perfect ass, pop diva, pop star, primal urges, rape, rape joke, sea lion, sex-crazed, sexy, Shakira, smokeshow, smokin'
Man, who knew President Obama was such a cockblock?
That's close enough, bro
Posted in Epinions
Tagged Barack Obama, cockblock, depraved, deviant, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, France, French, IMF, IMF Chief, le perv, Michelle Obama, perv, perverse, pervert, politician, politico, politics, President Obama, rapist, sex-crazed, sexual deviant, sexual predator, World News
For the many people out there still wondering if we did the right thing by killing Osama Bin Laden, here is proof that we did the absolute right thing.
Osama's very unattractive mistress -- Kola Boof
After officials found a porno stash in the not-so-secret compound Bin Laden had been hiding in, news is coming out that he was into some real kinky shit. According to the National Equirer, Osama Bin Laden was a huge perv and sex fiend. His unattractive mistress, Kola Boof, dishes out how Osama would keep her against her will so he could regularly rape her. If you’ve seen her you’d ask, why rape her? She’s as attractive as a cinderblock.
Osama’s fourth wife, Siham, blamed it on the diabetes – now known ’round here as “The Terrorists’ Disease”.
So, what is sex like with the world’s most notorious terrorist?
““During sex, he started biting me very hard – on my breasts, neck and arms. When I screamed out in pain, he got really excited and made these awful animal sounds.” – Kola Boof
Wallah! I’m sure Jihadists everywhere are celebrating the fact that their fearless leader had “horrible body odor” and “often beat his women to make them do what he wanted sexually”. And if that wasn’t enough to win you over, his mistress Kola offered up this doozy, “the self-proclaimed religious zealot once wanted to have an orgy with a French girl and a Jewish stripper”. Imagine that! Someone call Hustler, I’ve got their next porn parody.
This Ain't Osama XXX
Posted in Epinions
Tagged Al-Qaeda, crazy sex, deviant, diabetes, fiend, Hustler, killing some terrorists, Kola Boof, mistress, National Enquirer, Osama Bin Laden, perv, perverse, pervert, politico, politics, porn, porn parody, porno business, predator, rape, rapist, sex, sex fiend, sex slave, sex-crazed, sexual assault, sexual deviant, sexual predator, terrorist, This Ain't Osama XXX, villain, weird sex, World News
IMF Chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn was arrested and charged with rape over the weekend. He is presumed innocent until proven guilty. But he’s French and in politics. He might as well tattoo “scumbag” on his forehead and call it a night.
Dominique Strauss-Kahn, rapist
Most every major news channel is reporting that Dominique Strauss-Kahn greeted a Sofitel hotel maid in nothing but his birthday suit, chased her down in his suite, trapped her in his bathroom, then demanded that she perform oral sex on him — or as the French like to call it, le blowjob on the oui oui.
After the rape, the IMF Chief, presumably, cleaned up and got his creepy ass onto a plane. Unfortunately for him, the dumbass called the hotel, asked if he left his phone, and told them he was on a plane headed back home. The hotel called the police who arrested the French presidential hopeful as he was about to take off. After consenting to a physical, that would’ve given him all the action he needed for the afternoon, he’s now being held on 3 criminal charges. Who says politics isn’t a dirty game?
Now the biggest mystery of all is figuring out just what the hell does the IMF do.
Posted in Headliners
Tagged BJ, blowjob, crime, criminal, depraved, deviant, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, fellatio, France, French, Gawker, hotel maid, IMF, IMF Chief, le blowjob, le perv, NY Daily News, Oral sex, perv, pervert, politician, politico, politics, rape, rapist, sex scandal, sex-crazed, sexual assault, sexual deviant, sexual predator, Wall Street Journal, World News