Tag Archives: perfect ass

Now It Just Seems Like Miley Cyrus Is Showing Off

Posted on May 2, 2013 by the chronic fornicator | 1 Comment

It hasn’t even been a full two days since I shared the news that Miley Cyrus has got an ass now and she’s already gone parading it all around the internetz.

Here she is in a photoshoot for V Magazine, pulling at her crotch, flashing some butt cheek and displaying some wonderful underboob. Now, I don’t know about you but I like to think that Miley Cyrus is all grown up. Which is a good thing because boy, let me tell you, the things I’d love to do to her aren’t exactly legal across all 50 states.

You know you’re all grown up once you start wearing your underwear nice and high

Thank God for your FUPA because those spikes look sharp

Is that your underwear or did I lose my chain in between your ass cheeks?

That’s some mighty fine underboob right there

In 2010, this tit squeeze all but announced that Miley Cyrus had grown up

Leave it to a girl from The Dirty, Dirty South to sell her cow for free, amirite? Ain’t your daddy teach you nothin’?

More pics after the jump.

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Tagged #DatAss, all grown up, amazing ass, ass, awesome ass, babes, backside, badunkadunk, behind, booty, booty-ful, butt, caboose, cheeks, chicks, cute butt, dat ass, derriere, donkey, gorgeous, great ass, Hardbodies, hot, hottie, knockout, Miley Cyrus, nice ass, nice butt, nice outfit, perfect ass, photoshoot, rear, rear end, rump, sexy, short shorts, smokeshow, smokin', V Magazine, whooty

Vida Guerra Will Continue To Remain Relevant Because She Has An Amazing Ass

Posted on April 30, 2013 by the chronic fornicator | Leave a comment

Vida Guerra spent her week on the beaches of Miami last week. And from the looks of things, she’s still got that amazing ass of hers. And loves showing it off.

“Like Vida Guerra, ass took her to the top” – The Game

Vida Guerra sun tanning in a bikini in Miami Beach with unidentified male

Who knew that Vida Guerra was pigeon-toed?

Ass so nice, she took a picture of it

Vida Guerra don’t need no stinking flotation device. She got her own

“Ass so big, I told her to look back at it/Look back it, look back it” – 2 Chainz

#DatAss

Vida Guerra became semi-famous because of her amazing ass.

So, it only make sense that her amazing ass is what’s keeping her semi-famous.

Logic — I learned it yesterday.

More pics of #DatAss after the jump.

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Tagged #DatAss, amazing ass, ass, ass worship, awesome ass, babes, backside, badunkadunk, bathing suits, beach, beach body, behind, big ass, big butt, bikini, bombshell, booty, booty-ful, butt, buttsecks, caboose, cheeks, chicks, cute butt, dat ass, derriere, donkey, ghetto booty, gorgeous, great ass, Hardbodies, hot, hottie, huge ass, huge butt, incredible ass, junk in the trunk, knockout, Miami, nice ass, nice butt, nice outfit, perfect ass, rear, rear end, rump, sexy, smokeshow, smokin', swimsuit, Vida Guerra, video vixens

Miley Cyrus’s Booty Shorts Are Too Small For Her Butt Cheeks

Posted on April 30, 2013 by the chronic fornicator | 2 Comments

A few weeks ago, hottie Miley Cyrus got all of the gossip rags in a tizzy over her on-again, off-again relationship with Thor’s little brother when gossip rumors spread of a date with a famous ex-boyfriend, a broken off engagement and eventual reconciliation. Just another day in the life of a young Hollywood hottie, right?

Well, none of that holds a candle to the shocking news that I’m about to break. Someone call TMZ because what I’m about to share is going to shock the world.

Miley Cyrus has got an ass and I’ve got the paparazzi photos to prove it.

And on the 8th day, God created white booty shorts

The only thing standing in Miley Cyrus’s way to the top is that haircut

Where, oh where, did that booty come from?

Gadzooks, Miley Cyrus. Where did #DatAss come from?

More pics of Miley Cyrus’s booty after the jump.

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Jessica Alba Went Medieval To Get Her Perfect Body Back

Posted on April 26, 2013 by the chronic fornicator | 1 Comment

Jessica Alba may just be the perfect woman.

And like the perfect woman, she’s somehow found a way to maintain her figure after not one, but two pregnancies. But now her little secret is out of the bag after this interview with Net-a-Porter Magazine:

The secret, it turns out, is a girdle. Two, in fact.

“It was brutal; it’s not for everyone,” she qualifies. “I wore a double corset day and night for three months. It was sweaty, but worth it.”

And judging by these pictures, all of America would agree.

Did you know that Jessica Alba is allergic to grass? It’s true

Anyone else interested in going halfsies with me on her sweaty corsets?

“Quick, someone brush that dirt off Jessica Alba’s ass,” said everyone

Cowboy boots and denim shorts – great choice

If I were remaking Weird Science, Jessica Alba would be my number one choice to star as the woman that the two horny junior high schoolers made out of spare parts and some John Hughes magic. But I’m not remaking Weird Science, so (insert shrug).

More pics of hot mommy Jessica Alba after the jump.

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Miranda Kerr May Be Getting Fired From Victoria’s Secret Because Hot Brazilian Chicks Grow On Trees

Posted on April 12, 2013 by the chronic fornicator | 1 Comment

Victoria’s Secret may be run by the most heartless corporate suits known to man. Either that or they may be the dumbest people on earth. Either of those explanations will do in explaining their reasoning behind why they would ever think to can über-hottie Miranda Kerr. I mean, just look at these pictures!

miranda-kerr-victoria-secret-photoshoot-7

Mom jeans on Miranda Kerr instantly become MILF jeans

miranda-kerr-victoria-secret-photoshoot-14

Those are abs post-pregnancy

miranda-kerr-victoria-secret-photoshoot-27

Yellow heels in bed FTW!

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I just told her my best knock-knock joke

Yes, I have a soft spot for the baby faced Miranda Kerr but that doesn’t change the fact that Miranda Kerr is indeed a very good-looking woman being paid to look good in pictures while wearing as little clothes as possible. And she does her job well.

So, while news continues to trickle out that Miranda Kerr wasn’t fired and instead chose not to renew her contract, let’s just stare at her nipples and think of how wonderful life must be for her part-time employed baby daddy Orlando Bloom.

Oh, did you need help with that bathing suit?

Miranda Kerr is perfect

I could fit a battleship into that gap #MindTheGap

More pics of Miranda Kerr in underwear and naked after the jump (NSFW).

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Amy Markham Wore A Bikini That Really Showed Off Her, Uh, Er… Nipples (NSFW)

Posted on April 5, 2013 by the chronic fornicator | 1 Comment

Who in the hell is Amy Markham? And why haven’t we seen more of her by now?

According to her official website’s bio, Amy Markham is an international model. Having already posed for Esquire, GQ, Maxim, FHM, and Vogue, Amy Markham, you would probably guess, would be a bit more familiar to you, wouldn’t you say? Seriously, if her goal, as stated in her bio, is to prove that she is “more than a one hit wonder in the industry” then she’s got more work to do.

More bikini pics where your nipples are totally showing and maybe I’ll remember who you are the next time I see you pop up on my screen.

Halfway famous

But you’re so close to stardom, I can almost see it. Poking through. Right there

And you’ve got a nice ass. So well-rounded

Seriously, you get a txt from the President or something?

I will say this though: This was tremendous work. You really sold it there, with the constant adjusting and looking at your phone all oblivious and everything. Bravo.