Tag Archives: Path To Prosperity

If they can balance on wooden crates, balancing a budget shouldn’t be too hard

Last week, Presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced his pick for VP tabbing Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan as his running mate. Analysts have met the selection with both cheers and jeers, depending on who you ask.

I mostly just shrugged my shoulders and asked who the #@$% is that?

“Bros, listen to me…”

Three and a half things you should probably know about Paul Ryan:

He’s actually try to hug her to death

1. Paul Ryan hates old people. Or at least he hates the idea of having to pay for senior citizens and their Medicaid and Medicare and Social Security and whatever else the country pays to keep its people alive. In fact, he hates your grandma so much that he proposed a bill to privatize Medicare by offering her the opportunity to buy her own health insurance instead of having the country pay for it. This would be okay if he didn’t already collect his father’s Social Security checks after pops died of a heart attack at 55. I don’t know exactly how those two facts are related but it seems a little hypocritical, right?

Paul Ryan Gosling

2. Paul Ryan hates women. Paul Ryan is a conservative Catholic Republican. Ladies must be thinking, “what a catch”. They would be wrong to think so. Because he doesn’t believe in using condoms (he #@$%s with No Rubbers, yo!), once he impregnates your ass, it’s one and done with you. According to his belief in personhood, that fetus automatically has more rights than a fully-grown female. So, it’s no surprise that he’d rather have the chick die than abort.

Paul Ryan killed Bambi’s mom

3. Paul Ryan is a bro’s wet dream. While attending the University of Miami (not that Miami) Paul Ryan was a member of the Delta Tau Delta fraternity. He likes to work out, even leading P90X workout sessions with lawmakers when he’s not passing bills that give the rich even more tax cuts. He’s an avid bow-hunter. He can catch catfish — with his bare hands. He drives a truck. He was voted high school prom king. Oh, and most importantly he also has a totally great story about how he once got to drive the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile.

3½. I would totally bang his wife, Janna Ryan.

I should totally start a sex scandal with Paul Ryan’s wife

She got them crazy eyes

And I’m pretty sure she’d be down for it