Finally, the return of gratuitous nudity. A very strong showing by HBO. Bravo. Way to get back on track. For me, this episode had it all, witty back and forth, insane power moves, slave trading, and perhaps, most importantly, boobs. Oh, and the ending was “Holy Shit Balls” crazy. And that’s the way I like my GoT. Thank you HBO, my faith has been restored.
Now, onto the boobs!
Game of Thrones: Boobs Recap
Season 3 Episode 3
This week’s episode starts off with a funeral and some good old dick swinging by the “Young Wolf King” Robb Stark. After a pretty humorous (“Or as humorous as Game of Thrones gets.”) showing involving arrows and a dead body, we get right down to the politicking that makes Game of Thrones so captivating. Who knew a game of musical chairs involving Tywinn Lannister, a eunuch, a pimp, and an imp could be so amusing? Props to Cersei for finally showing off her charm.
That eyeroll. God, I’d do terrible things to a woman who could eyeroll like Cersei. And that smirk (“I think I need to change my pants!”).
But we don’t watch Game of Thrones for its excellent shit-eating grins, do we?
Although Robb’s wifey is pretty damn good at that sideways glance (“She learned it from her
mama grandpa.”). And she’s got no problem lying to little kids. So +1.
Talisa +1 for the sexy glance, +1 for lying
And after a week of no Daenerys, we got a great scene where she shows off just how far she’s come along in learning what it takes to rule the Seven Kingdoms by owning (“pwned”) her “advisors” Ser Jorah and Ser Barristan (“Like a bawse!”).
But Dany still has a soft spot for slaves, as evidenced by her masterful negotiating with the sexist slave master which resulted in the addition of yet another hottie to her stable of pretty maidens (“The translator chick loves showing off her cleave! Welcome to the family. I think you’re going to do great.”)
Khaleesi and her New “Girlfrand” +1
So you’re probably wondering “Where are the boobs?”. The Boobs are coming.
Game of Thrones likes to warm its viewers up — slowly building up to the gratuitous nudity. A lesser show would’ve just jumped right into the boobs, but not HBO (“That’s why it’s not TV!”). HBO knows how to work in its nudity without it ever feeling cheap, which is kind of why you have to respect it.
Anyone else start wondering what ever happened to that ginger prostitute Ros?
I mean, after starting off the series so strong by flashing her box and practicing lesbian sex in Season 1, Ros kind of fell off after what I imagine was a painful experience involving Joffrey and his crossbow (“Joffrey ruins everything.”). Well, she’s finally on the board with this impressive showing of her amazing cleavage (“BOOBS!”).
But that little tease was just an appetizer for our young squire and maybe my new favorite character, Podrick Payne (“That’s my dude!”).
Now, if you don’t remember, young Podrick saved Tyrion’s life during the epic Battle of the Blackwater way back in Season 2. And ever since then he’s been in the background but very much an important member of “The Wrecking Crew” — which, by the way, should totally be the official nickname for Tyrion’s gang.
And since the Imp is a such pimp, Tyrion rewards the young squire the only way he knows how — by paying for not one, not two, but three whores (“Gangsta!“). Man, I wish I had a boss like that (“Yeah, so I’m not gonna pay you this weekend. Instead I got you three whores. S’all good, right?”).
The Squire’s Whores +1,000
And, of course, Podrick is so good in the sack that the whores didn’t even take Tyrion’s gold (“Straight pimpin’!”).
Good to have you back, boobs.
source= Uproxx, Photoshop