Tag Archives: MTV

Teen Mom Farrah Abraham Bought A Pregnancy Test Then Went Out For Hookah With Porn Star Riley Jensen

Posted on May 14, 2013 by | Leave a comment

I’m pretty sure you can’t get pregnant like that. But maybe I’m wrong.

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She bought it because pregnancy tests just happened to be on sale!

Former Teen Mom and newly minted celebrity sex tape star, Farrah Abraham, scared the bejesus out of male porn star and fellow celebrity sex tape co-star James Deen this past Sunday (on Mother’s Day, no less!) when she was photographed purchasing a pregnancy kit. James Deen did not find it cool:

“To say you’re potentially pregnant is not something to joke about. When you knowingly involve another human being and a publicity stunt around that, a child is not something to be taken lightly. It’s not a game anymore and it’s really not cool.” (Celebuzz)

But Farrah Abraham brushed the whole thing off like it wasn’t a big deal. Probably because it’s just part of her routine now, even if she did anal.

James Deen shouldn’t worry too much. I’m sure she’s not pregnant. In fact, if I were James Deen, I’d be more worried about the fact that Farrah Abraham is now hanging out with other porn stars, like Riley Jensen, now.

**EXCLUSIVE** FROM TEEN MOM TO HOOKAH! 'Teen Mom' turned porn star Farrah Abraham has become a hookah smoker, as she hangs out with Riley Jensen at Viceroy's Hookah Lounge in Los Angeles

That’s porn star Riley Jensen with Farrah Abraham

**EXCLUSIVE** FROM TEEN MOM TO HOOKAH! 'Teen Mom' turned porn star Farrah Abraham has become a hookah smoker, as she hangs out with Riley Jensen at Viceroy's Hookah Lounge in Los Angeles

Didn’t anyone ever tell Farrah not to shit where she eats?

**EXCLUSIVE** FROM TEEN MOM TO HOOKAH! 'Teen Mom' turned porn star Farrah Abraham has become a hookah smoker, as she hangs out with Riley Jensen at Viceroy's Hookah Lounge in Los Angeles

This is just asking for some trouble

Can’t ever be too careful if you’re #@$%ing with NoRubbers, amirite?

More pics of Farrah Abraham smoking hookah with a porn star after the jump.

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Farrah Abraham’s Sex Tape Promises To Show You That The Best Way In Is Through The Backdoor (NSFW)

Posted on May 2, 2013 by | Leave a comment

If the head of Vivid Entertainment, Steve Hirsch, said it, it has to be true.

Former Teen Mom Farrah Abraham has finally owned up to selling a sex tape starring herself with male porn star James Deen. Just like everyone had assumed. And maybe because she’s kind of attractive (in the right light), or because she’s got a nice pair of fake tits, I suspect that this sex tape will be a huge seller. Also, the title, “Farrah Abraham: Backdoor Teen Mom”, kind of explains my thought process here.

Oh hey! Here’s a sorta SFW screencap from the tape:

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Farrah Abraham #@$%s with NoRubbers. And apparently takes it up the butt

If MTV has proved anything with their 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom programs it’s that America wholly supports its burgeoning population of single teen moms. And since Farrah is the most famous single teen mom trying to make it out there in this world, all by herself, all of America should band together and celebrate what an awesome job this young mother is setting for the future generations of America. Because by selling your post-pregnancy body to the highest bidder, you’re taking back your sexuality and declaring yourself liberated from the shackles of society. You are a single mother, a woman and perhaps, most importantly, a role model for all other teen moms.

As long as you promise to do a little anal. Because at least that way there’s no chance of you getting knocked up again. Amirite?

All of Farrah’s NSFW screencaps from Egotastic after the jump.

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Teen Mom Farrah Abraham Got So Desperate That She Paid James Deen To Shoot A Porno Scene When She Could’ve Made One With Me For Free

Posted on April 11, 2013 by | 1 Comment

Teen Mom will and should go down as one of the most appalling displays of misguided entertainment and exploitation in American history.

Exhibit A: Farrah Abraham

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“This is how I do homework” – Teen Moms everywhere

Here we have a mildly attractive teen who sought her 15 minutes of fame by agreeing to star in a reality series documenting her trials and tribulations after giving birth to her first child at 17. As soon as the cameras rolled, Farrah was transformed from mildly attractive girl with an extremely sad backstory (“Abusive mom, baby daddy dead 2 weeks before their baby’s birth, born and raised in Iowa…”) to desperate for money, attention-seeking reality TV mom.

It all starts with the somewhat professional bikini shoots along the beach.

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Genuine smile. Fake tits

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This is in no way an attempt to seek attention

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Take notes, aspiring teens: “Sideboob will get you places”

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Sunny, sandy, beach-y places

And then comes the sex tape scandal (“Just ask Octomom“) and before you know it, the world’s worst kept secret (“That she did in fact film a sex tape”) is being brought out in front of the firing squad. After days of denying that she had any part in an alleged sex tape that was being shopped around to Steve Hirsch at Vivid Entertainment, Farrah Abraham has finally admitted that she did indeed pay the ever popular male porn star James Deen to co-star in her sex tape.

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I wonder if she did anal…

Which, like, girl, I totally would’ve done that fo’ free.

Of course, not all your problems can be solved by selling your sex tape to the highest bidder. But could you imagine if it could? Life would be so much better.

More pics of the Teen MILF Mom and her awesome sideboob after the jump.

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Rating The Broads Who Showed Up To The 2012 MTV VMAs

Posted on September 7, 2012 by | Leave a comment

Even the ugly ones.

It’s probably true. But my growing concern for the future well-being of our great nation did not deter me from flipping back and forth from CNN and MTV last night. Because wherever there are broads to fap to, I am there.

And there were a lot of broads at the MTV Video Music Awards last night. Unfortunately, too many of them were dressed conservatively. Like it was all planned well ahead of time as part of some huge conspiracy to wear as many pantsuits and long sleeved gowns as possible. What the hell happened to dressing like a trashy whore? C’mon! I think I saw more skin at the DNC than I did at the VMAs.

So, to teach them a lesson I’m going to rate each one. On how much I would like to bone them. Scores will be in “( )” <— (Haha… that looks like a vagina).

Rating The Broads At The 2012 MTV VMAs

Expected more but I guess this will do (10)

Nicki, you need to stop dressing like a Sesame Street character (10)

Zoe Saldana is much too talented to be at the VMAs (10)

The first pantsuit of the evening (10)

Emma Watson, are you on shrooms? (10)

This might have been the sluttiest look of the night — disappointing Katy Perry (10)

Jessica Szohr is not famous but she looks good sans headband (10)

More celebs to judge as wantonly as possible after the jump.

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The 2012 MTV Movie Awards Recap In Pictures

Posted on June 5, 2012 by | 1 Comment

In case you missed the 2012 MTV Movie Awards this past weekend, like I did, here’s a recap. In pictures!

That song from that car commercial is on.

Oh, look it’s Russell Brand

I still don’t know what Katy Perry was thinking when she married him.

First tripped out graphic of the night

What the #@$% is a lemur?

May be too old to be attending this awards show, no?

Why so serious Hermione?

First heart-stealing appearance by my sweetheart Emma Stone

Someone paid big money to remind us that Spider-Man is in theaters this summer. I still won’t bother seeing it. Unless I get word that Emma Stone strips down buck-ass-nekkid in it. But even then, I’ll probably just sneak in with the junior high schoolers.

Another tripped out graphic referencing Dr. Strangelove

The last tripped out graphic I will post. I promise.

Nice shirt, older daughter from “The Descendants”

Hit the jump for more.

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Happy Terrible Mother’s Day

Posted on May 15, 2012 by | Leave a comment

This past Sunday was Mother’s Day — a day for all of us lucky enough to be raised by a strong, beautiful woman to honor her for putting up with all of our shit for how many years it takes to raise a somewhat normal adult.

Today, I ask for your help to celebrate all the terrible mothers out there.

And there are a lot. Stop #@$%ing with No Rubbers!

Happy Terrible Mother’s Day

1. Tanorexic Mom

Patricia Krentcil

Meet Patricia Krentcil. She is 44 years old and became yesterday’s news after being arrested for allowing her 5 year old daughter to use a tanning bed. As you can see, Patricia Krentcil knows how to not use a tanning bed. And unsurprisingly, she is from New Jersey.

2. TIME magazine’s Breastfeeding Mom

Jamie Lynn Grumet

Meet Jamie Lynn Grumet. She is 26 years old. She is a hot mom. She also breastfeeds her children. One of whom is 4 years old — he is on the cover there, happily sucking away. She may be doing the right thing by breastfeeding her son, but I don’t know how I feel about it. All that publicity can’t possibly be good for her son. Unless he plans on appearing in Game of Thrones anytime soon.

3. MTV’s Teen Moms

Jenelle Evans

Amber Portwood

Mug shots. This is what happens when you send in a camera crew to follow a group of far too young girls who are forced into growing up and raising a life of their own. Meet Jenelle Evans and Amber Portwood who both first appeared on separate seasons of MTV’s 16 & Pregnant before following up that train wreck with a season each of Teen Mom. Both have run into a litany of problems during and after the show. Mostly because they’re crazy and trashy and poor and twice as dumb as they look. One seems more interested in new boobs, while the other seems more interested in getting poorly executed tattoos.

Awwww… How awful is that?

Happy Terrible Mother’s Day! Kind of makes you feel even more grateful now, doesn’t it?

You’re welcome moms. Keep being awesome and not terrible!

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