Tag Archives: future

Vote On Your Favorite Elite 8 Backside (NSFW)

For a pornstar to be considered one of the best, she must be better than just elite. She’s gotta have “it”. Whether on set, on camera, in toy form, or just plain on dick, she’s gotta maintain her perfect form while taking whatever, wherever.

Now as a man who is very much in tune with the female struggle (it’s a double edged sword, that’s why they have slits), I understand that porn is nothing more than the abject objectification of the female body. So, why not embrace it?

To go from elite to Final Four, I’ll be taking a snapshot of a body part of each pornstar in each bracket region and then ask you to judge the winner for yourselves. Now, if you’ve watched as much porn as I have this past month, maybe you’ll be able to identify which body part belongs to which pornstar (at which point I’d suggest you take a break and go outside). But I won’t be identifying anyone, so don’t go assuming any body part belongs to that pornstar. This is and should be based solely on physical attraction. Seems totally fair, right?

Remember to vote. Or die!

The East Region features two of the more popular pornstars to be working right now. Not only do these pornstars make love on camera, but they make love to the camera. Both have been featured in Penthouse as Penthouse Pets in past months which shows in these Glamour Shots of their booty-ful backsides — panties halfway down around the knees/ankles while she’s looking back over her shoulder is known as “The Penthouse Shot”. Or at least that’s how I refer to it as. It’s gonna be hard to pick just one, but you better do it.

East Bracket – Round of 8

Tori Black vs Phoenix Marie

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Vote On Your Favorite Elite 8 Snatch (NSFW)

For a pornstar to be considered one of the best, she must be better than just elite. She’s gotta have “it”. Whether on set, on camera, in toy form, or just plain on dick, she’s gotta maintain her perfect form while taking whatever, wherever.

Now as a man who is very much in tune with the female struggle (it’s a double edged sword, that’s why they have slits), I understand that porn is nothing more than the abject objectification of the female body. So, why not embrace it?

To go from elite to Final Four, I’ll be taking a snapshot of a body part of each pornstar in each bracket region and then ask you to judge the winner for yourselves. Now, if you’ve watched as much porn as I have this past month, maybe you’ll be able to identify which body part belongs to which pornstar (at which point I’d suggest you take a break and go outside). But I won’t be identifying anyone, so don’t go assuming any body part belongs to that pornstar. This is and should be based solely on physical attraction. Seems totally fair, right?

Remember to vote. Or die!

The Midwest Region features two pornstars with the pinkest and wettest lips in the biz right now. And I’m not talking about the ones you stick bananas in. Unless you like to eat bananas like I imagine you do… With your vaginas. Everyone loves some pink. So why not vote on some of the best in the biz?

Midwest Bracket – Round of 8

Chanel Preston vs Faye Reagan

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Watch Out For The Up And Cumming Number 3 Seeds

con·tend·er (/kənˈtɛndɚ/) noun

1. a person who tries to win something in a contest ; especially : a person who has a good chance of winning

If you follow porn as closely as me and my associates, you’ll recognize the next few names as some of the more popular porn starlets to grace your screens:

Tanner Mayes, Andy San Dimas, Krissy Lynn, Allie Haze, Lela Star, Gracie Glam, Mariah Milano, and Faye Reagan are some of the fresh-faced yet more popular girls working that monster cock. I’ve got a special place for all these girls so eliminating one after another was difficult. But sometimes the best things in life are always the hardest.

West Bracket – Round of 64

Andy San Dimas vs Tanner Mayes

Tanner Mayes hails from Michigan and has starred in just over 100 adult films since 2008. Andy San Dimas is from Bodymore, Murdaland (Baltimore) and has starred in 176 adult films since 2007. Both girls started appearing nude at the tender age of 18. While both brunette, each encompass a different niche of the porn spectrum. One is clearly the girl next door while the other is the bitch you’re far too scared to break up with.

So good girl or good girl gone bad? What’s the pick?

Looking at the visual evidence, I really liked the sounds coming out of Andy San Dimas’s mouth during her blowjob scene (8:29) while also appreciating the total willingness of Tanner Mayes getting her salad tossed (11:56). Both girls start off strong. Andy San Dimas gives a messy blowjob which I love. Tanner Mayes keeps her boots on while #@$%ing.

I really love ‘em both, but if you put a cock to my mouth and told me I could only pick one it’d have to be Andy San Dimas. Andy San Dimas just looks like she’d be down for anything while Tanner Mayes looks a little too delicate for my tastes — I’d be too afraid I’d break her in half with all the nasty shit I’d like to do to her.

Andy San Dimas moves on to the round of 32.

Midwest Bracket – Round of 64

Faye Reagan vs Mariah Milano

Watch Faye Reagan in a Amy Winehouse music video directed by High5Collective.

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Would You Wednesday

Team America may have lost, but at least our women left the field with their heads held high — knowing that they are still the hottest team of female athletes this side of pre-pubescent Chinese gymnasts.

We’ve got Hope Solo, Alex Morgan, Megan Rapinoe, Ali Krieger, Heather #@$%ing Mitts, and a score of other hot toddies who could probably launch a ball further than you could throw, but none of them compare to the complete package that is one Abby Wambach.

With ice water running through her veins, Abby Wambach is the perfect mix of cool calm leadership and creative scoring. While she may have lost the World Cup, she won over our hearts… Too bad she still runs like a girl.

Abby Wambach — Would you…with no rubbers?

Broad shoulders, thunder thighs, crooked noses, and all — I love me a soccer girl.

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Get Behind These Soccer Broads

Team America has a great chance to get one step closer to ripping off their jerseys and getting jiggy with it — just like 1999. Hoping to inspire future generations of girls who look incredible in knee high socks, this team will have all eyes on today’s World Cup match against those frogs from Versailles.

To celebrate how far these broads have come:

Team America, we salute you

A Gallery of USWNT Players Doing Things You Can’t Possibly Do:

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4½ Things You Should Probably Know About Women’s Soccer

FIFA’s Women’s World Cup kicked off this weekend in Germany. Team America has yet to play, but are heavily favored — since we’re always pretty #@$%in’ good, year in, year out. Women’s Soccer is probably the closest thing to a legitimate sport that females have in this world. You know, since mud wrestling doesn’t really count. (What do you mean wrassling is fake?!)

Now, I’m not saying that there isn’t such a thing as female athletes. That’d be sexist and chauvinistic. For two years, I worked for my school’s Women’s Soccer team. And in those two years I’ve seen some girls do some incredible things. Things I’m embarrassed to say that I can’t do. Like looking good while sweating… Wearing nothing but a training bra… And rubbing Lotromin Ultra all over my pedicured toes. Man, I miss those bus rides that smelled like crotch rot. But alas, those stories are for another time. Brush up on your women’s soccer knowledge, yo!

Four and a half things you should probably know:

1. USA is up against a lot of pressure. While Team America may have the best collection of talent in the World, don’t underestimate the power of two-time defending Wold Cup champs Germany… Or the world’s greatest player Marta who plays for a Brazil that’s desperate for a World Cup championship… Add a Canadian squad eager to test its mettle and you’ve got a recipe for a let-down. Team USA is facing a lot of pressure after its unceremonious exit in 2007, but that’s okay because Nike ads tell us that “Pressure Makes Us”.  Team America always looks sharp on the big stage and there might not be any stage bigger than this year’s World Cup.

Alex Morgan likes to kick balls

2. Alex Morgan is the next Mia Hamm. While the WNT (Women’s National Team) will look towards Abby Wambach to lead the team (Third all-time in scoring), all eyes will be on Alex Morgan. As the youngest and newest member of the team, Morgan brings speed and scoring ability off the bench. Having scored 7 goals in 16 games and saving the US after her game-winning goal against Italy last year, Alex Morgan is ready to get some serious burn on the sport’s biggest stage. She’s also a bonafide hottie.

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