Politicians, as far as I’m concerned, are a different kind of species. Slimy, reptilian, self-serving embodiment of the lowest form of humanity. I trust your average councilman as far as I can throw ‘em, and I throw like a 3rd grade girl.
Schwarzenegger. Weiner. Osama Bin Laden. The IMF. The Kennedys. Berlusconi. The Craigslist Congressman.
Seems like politicians just can’t keep their dicks zipped up. So, with the political climate as scandalous as ever, let’s revisit the many sexual missteps that those we’ve elected to represent our best interests have made.
“As New York State Attorney General, I was a relentless basset hound when it came to uncovering the underhanded number games that fueled what would become the financial crisis. My work busting down white collar criminals eventually won me the opportunity to serve as Governor — for 14 months. Apparently, the bad guys don’t take too kindly to you stealing a taste of their girls before indicting them with embezzlement.”
Hookers & Johns
“You may remember me from such catastrophes as the Democratic Primaries of 2004 and 2008. One failure just wasn’t enough for me. I am from South Carolina, after all. See, down here in the Dirty South, there’s no such thing as an honest politician. Why I left my cancer-riddled wife of 33 years for this hot piece of ass. Yup, my claim to fame will always be that of the most despicable man on the face of the earth – with questionable taste in mistresses. And now I’m getting prosecuted for taking campaign money to keep my damn mistress quiet!”
... for that.
“I was the 42nd President of the United States and oversaw an incredible period of economic growth and prosperity. During my years in office, America held the mantle of “The Most Powerful Country in the World”. You’re welcome. I finally figured out what to do with your interns. You’re welcome. I also helped Americans understand the difference between sexual relations and third base. You’re welcome. Again.”
“I am the originator of the politics of sleaze. As a Founding Father and the 3rd President of the United States, I helped erect this great country of ours. That is whenever I had some free time left over after raping my slaves. Gives new meaning to the term sex slave, don’t it. I wasn’t the first and I certainly won’t be the last political figure to be ousted as an interracial aficionado. I made it okay to screw the help, as long as you kept the bastard children in the back and away from the wives. So, I like my women black — just like my morning coffee. If it wasn’t for me there would be no Mardi Gras titties in yo’ face!”
Founding Father of Interracial
Posted in Lesson Learned
Tagged Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ashley Dupre, bathroom, Bill Clinton, Christopher Lee, congressmen, Craigslist Congressman, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Eliot Spitzer, Eskimo Brothers, gay, gays, governors, homosexual, IMF, IMF Chief, interracial, JFK, Jim McGreevey, John Edwards, John F. Kennedy, Larry Craig, Lesson Learned, Louisiana Purchase, Mardi Gras, Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport, Monica Lewinsky, Oral sex, Osama Bin Laden, politician, politico, politics, Power, President, rape, rapist, representative, restroom, RFK, Rielle Hunter, Robert F. Kennedy, Sally Hemings, scandal, scandalous, senators, sex, sex fiend, sex scandal, sex slave, sexual deviant, sexual predator, sexual relations, Silvio Berlusconi, slave, This Ain't Osama XXX, Thomas Jefferson, toe tapping
Man, who knew President Obama was such a cockblock?
That's close enough, bro
Posted in Epinions
Tagged Barack Obama, cockblock, depraved, deviant, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, France, French, IMF, IMF Chief, le perv, Michelle Obama, perv, perverse, pervert, politician, politico, politics, President Obama, rapist, sex-crazed, sexual deviant, sexual predator, World News
IMF Chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn was arrested and charged with rape over the weekend. He is presumed innocent until proven guilty. But he’s French and in politics. He might as well tattoo “scumbag” on his forehead and call it a night.
Dominique Strauss-Kahn, rapist
Most every major news channel is reporting that Dominique Strauss-Kahn greeted a Sofitel hotel maid in nothing but his birthday suit, chased her down in his suite, trapped her in his bathroom, then demanded that she perform oral sex on him — or as the French like to call it, le blowjob on the oui oui.
After the rape, the IMF Chief, presumably, cleaned up and got his creepy ass onto a plane. Unfortunately for him, the dumbass called the hotel, asked if he left his phone, and told them he was on a plane headed back home. The hotel called the police who arrested the French presidential hopeful as he was about to take off. After consenting to a physical, that would’ve given him all the action he needed for the afternoon, he’s now being held on 3 criminal charges. Who says politics isn’t a dirty game?
Now the biggest mystery of all is figuring out just what the hell does the IMF do.
Posted in Headliners
Tagged BJ, blowjob, crime, criminal, depraved, deviant, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, fellatio, France, French, Gawker, hotel maid, IMF, IMF Chief, le blowjob, le perv, NY Daily News, Oral sex, perv, pervert, politician, politico, politics, rape, rapist, sex scandal, sex-crazed, sexual assault, sexual deviant, sexual predator, Wall Street Journal, World News