The Gang is back for season 7 and they’re as crass and as abominable as ever. In this episode, we see The Gang do their best to “Pretty Woman” Frank’s new lady-friend Roxy, who just so happens to be the most “unspeakably crass” prostitute you’ll ever come across (played by actress Alanna Ubach).
Oh, how I’ve missed you Charlie, Dennis, Mac, Frank, and Sweet Sweet Dee.
Opening up with Dee and Charlie looking to adopt a dog-fighting pitbull, for purposes of biting Paddy’s patrons so they leave with a great story, was a great way to bring us back into the sadistic world of It’s Always Sunny. And if you haven’t been watching the show, well then, you deserve to be mauled by a rehabilitating pitbull. In the face.
We are quickly introduced to Frank’s new whore, who he plans to make his wife. The Gang does not approve. Neither do I. She’s obviously only in it for Frank’s good looks. Or is it his money? I’m not totally certain. Cue theme song.
While Dennis, Charlie, and Dee scheme on how to
rid themselves of clean up Tiger Woods’s alleged call-girl, in walks Mac. There’s something different about him this season. Is it the beard? Is it a new tattoo? Oh, yeah. Mac’s a fat #@$%. Rob McElhenney literally gained 50 pounds, just because. And well, I didn’t want to say anything but The Gang agrees, “You look fat as shit!”
“We’re becoming the gross crew… And I don’t like that.”
So if Frank is serious about marrying this nasty broad, The Gang is gonna have to clean her up. Just like Richard Gere did for Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”. But Frank is skeptical, because “people don’t change like that”. So to make things even more difficult, he gives them 24 hours to do whatever they have to do before he proposes to that dirty whore.
And this is the point in the episode where the writing really takes off. Introducing the idea of a person’s “Second Act” was great, and then proceeding to shit on Sweet Dee’s pathetic attempt at trying to switch hers up when it’s pretty evident that she’s already well into her Second Act, well that is what they do best. Adding insult on top of insult.
Dennis easily gives up since he doesn’t really want things to change. He wants things to go back to the way they’ve always been. So, he takes Mac and his garbage bag of Chimichangas to the doctor while Dee is left taking care of the crack-smoking whore. New clothes mean a new you, right? So, while Dee takes Roxy shopping, re-inventing a scene out of Pretty Woman, and Dennis is getting Mac’s fat ass checked out for a physical, Charlie sets Frank up on a dating site.
Shenanigans ensue. Charlie does a great Texas accent until he pukes from swallowing far too many blood capsules. Mac is an immovable pile of mass with adult on-set Diabetes (pronounced die-uh-bet-us). Dennis is about as unhealthy as an anorexic runway model due to his poor diet and far too many “hummingbirds exercises”. And Sweet Dee becomes a foot girl for a Tiger Woods impersonator.
Oh, and to wrap things up, we’re left with the image of a dead hooker left in the hallway by The Gang. “Pretty Woman” this was not, but it sure as hell was a lot more enjoyable than watching Julia Roberts cackle her way through another 90 minutes of my god-awful life.