“All the ass magic in Mexico can’t change Kenny Powers from his core beliefs. I’m not an ass man. I’m a tit man. I like big ass boobs.”
Saying goodbye is never easy – especially after you’ve just told your sponsor you fucked his wife while his sister watched. That’s how Kenny Powers’s former sleazeball agent, Pat Anderson (Adam Scott), says goodbye before heading down to Mexico to complete step 9 of his rehab – making amends. Pat was the agent who dicked Kenny over, but if he can show off his stuff in front of a big league scout tonight then he’s got a chance to abuse the majors once again. This is how Kenny Powers’s Mexican voyage will end. But before Kenny Powers can do what he does, he’s got some hugs to dole out and bridges to burn.
First up is Sebastian. After “a goddamn Mexican stand-off in fucking Mexico”, Kenny and Sebastian talk out their feelings. Having both been burned by Vida’s sweet tailpipe, the two men recognize that they aren’t so different. Sebastian grants Kenny’s wish for one last shot pitching for the Charros. Having sewn up that reunion with a nice little bow on top, Kenny is approached by Stevie asking for his blessing to marry Maria. Kenny says “Fuck it” and for that is rewarded with a creamy white handmade suit by Maria.
“La Flama Blanca” then rides off to settle some scores. First up are the goons who betrayed him. After setting their cocks free and dousing their pick-up in gasoline, Kenny rides off in dramatic fashion as the car bursts into flames. Little Aaron and Hector don’t even know what hit them. Next up is the woman who hurt him. Even though her bubble butt is still looking irresistible, Kenny knocks Vida off her pedestal, proclaiming that he’s a tits man. Always will be. One final look back and then it’s to the house that Kenny Powers defaced.
After an inspired speech about how we’re all Mexicans before Roger and his teammates, Kenny Powers returns for “one more fucking game” with The Charros. Back on the mound, he’s got a real shot at redemption. He holds onto his dick and throws gas at a helpless batter, impressing the baseball scout (Matthew McConaughey) – who just so happens to be gay. Which makes McConaughey’s appearance surprisingly enjoyable and tasteless. Funny stuff.
After sitting in as a guest of the groom to Maria and Stevie’s Mexican wedding, Kenny wraps up his final goodbyes. Catuey and his family are sad to see Kenny go but at least they’ll have a jackass to remind them of him. And even though Kenny Powers has his fairy tales all screwed up, he’s there to give everyone their happy ending. Adios Mexico. It’s time to quit tickling balls and start sucking your dream’s dick.
Eastbound & Down is on every Sundays at 10:30 P.M. on HBO. Estás fucking fuera! You’re fucking out, I’m fucking in!