“Shouldn’t it be hard? I mean, isn’t that pretty much what happens after the final straw? It’s impossible to make things go back to the way they were.”
Hank Moody wakes up to tugjobs and dreams of orgies. At least in this week’s episode he does when Marcy wakes Hank up by grabbing at his weapon of mass destruction then screaming when she finds out it’s her best friend’s ex-husband. Runkle comes storming in clutching a paddle and we get an unwanted look at his naked ass. We’re also reminded of that time when Hank & Runkle got wasted and had the bright idea to get some pretty questionable tattoos done together. These guys are close. So close they’re suggesting another threesome in the works. 2 Guys 1 Gnome.
Marcy has had enough of Moody’s moping around and kicks him out. Out of bed at least. Sometimes you take what you can get. And that’s exactly what Hank does when he runs into ex-wife Karen. Baby mama drama! Shit’s about to get real as foreshadowed by a vicious cellphone to the forehead. Even though that battle was lost, Hank can find solace in the fact that he can still make her smile. But she reminds him that he’s got someone more important to win back.
That someone will have to wait as Hank is late for a meeting with power-tripping Abby. Abby says some important things in an important way… sorry, I stopped paying attention to what she had to say as soon as she turned up on-screen. Honestly, she’s far too good-looking to always be playing the powerful law-schooled bitch. I’d much rather see her playing a stripper. Anyhow, I did catch her telling Hank to behave himself, which is easier said than done, as evidenced by her “Fuck, I’m gonna fuck you later” look.
Next, we follow Karen and Marcy embarrassing an ax-wielding Becca (Madeleine Martin). Marcy convinces Karen that Hank needs to see Becca. She relents and Hank is bounding for joy, racing home to take Becca out to buy some new guitar strings.
No matter how many times Hank has failed at life, Becca has always forgiven him. This time may take longer for her to come around, but you know she’ll be back — no matter how cold her shoulder towards Hank may be. A desperate parent hoping for forgiveness is a goldmine for any teenager, but Becca doesn’t abuse it. Refusing Hank’s offer to buy her a “serious instrument”, it’s like she knew his card would be declined. Becca leaves with a pack of guitar strings. Like I said, this go-around won’t be easy.
Hank’s “pants are off” and he’s ready to drink the night away. Unfortunately, his liver will have to wait as Runkle rushes him off to a meeting with Eddie Nero (Rob Lowe) who plans to play Hank in the movie adaptation. Apparently this Eddie Nero’s got a real thing for hard cocks. Grabbing Runkle’s sack, he tells him he’s got no balls for this “dark side”. Oh, the burden of being handsome. Rob Lowe plays this deranged lunatic pitch perfectly, as I was convinced that at any moment he was going to bite into Runkle’s bald dome and make him spit out blood. I mean, look at the veins popping out his neck!
With all the nut grabbing and talk of defecating on girls, one might be worried that Californication is taking a turn toward the absurd. Thankfully Sasha Bingham arrives and we get our long-awaited scene of gratuitous nudity! While this week’s moment is not nearly as good or as long as last week’s, it’s still nice to see some gorgeous tits and know what kind of panties she wears. White cotton thong lace. Addison Jay Timlin — call me!
And what would Californication be without its helpful life advice. According to Sasha Bingham, “the secret to being a successful Hollywood actress is projecting the vibe that everyone you work with has a shot at fucking you”.
Locked in the bathroom, Hank indulges in some of Sasha’s meds. Having been drinking, this turns out to be a not so good idea as it leaves Hank on the floor of Runkle’s place with the world spinning around him. And like all good writers, Hank does his best work when he’s completely twisted – writing a heartfelt letter to his dear beautiful daughter.