Creampie-O-My All Over The Round Of 32

While the Round of 64 may have been an arousing display of fundamentals and a showcase of great talents, the rounds hereafter will only get more demanding. More taxing. More grueling. And definitely a lot more sloppy.

In the Round of 32, I will again select a random video featuring each hopeful porn starlet but in the following categories of porn:

• Interracial Gangbang
• Lesbian Threesome
• Creampie
• Ass-To-Mouth

After watching the randomly chosen video, I will then select a winner based solely on her performance in that scene. While the Round of 64 weighed heavily on the history of the pornstar, the Round of 32 will give each girl a fighting chance — as long she’s bringing it.

Let the Pornstar Madness continue:

Creampie (As defined by Urban Dictionary):

The creampie is, by all accounts, one of the most satisfying finishes in all of porn. First off, it eliminates the need for a contraceptive — ensuring that said pornstars are #@$%in’ with no rubbers. And secondly, it is the next step up in the evolution of  the much revered money shot. The details on the origins of the creampie are hazy but just know that Jenna Jameson performed one in her very first boy/girl scene.

And for that, I hold the creampie very highly. Before I blow it all over your face!

West Bracket – Round of 32

Eva Angelina vs Melanie Rios

The bad broad goes up against the good girl gone bad in what is contending to be one of my favorite match-ups. Ever.

Eva Angelina is a hard-worker. She’s got close to 500 credits to her name and so it’s no surprise that she’s mastered every category imaginable. If I threw her in any of the other match-ups, she’d have acquit herself quite nicely. I guess that’s why her creampie scene so enjoyable, because she didn’t mail in any old performance. She went full-bore and really ravaged that cock (5:47) before delivering a gushing performance. What makes a creampie a creampie is that little push, either out of the ass or out of the vag, to get the jizz dripping out of whichever hole it’s filled. And Eva Angelina shows whores everywhere how to perform a perfect creampie (23:14-23:57). Shout-out to the male performer for having another nut in him to bust all over Eva’s chest (23:59). Impressive.

But I’m not discounting Melanie Rios’s performance. Not at all. She performs the creampie (17:50) as technically sound as the more experienced Eva and has just as much fun taking her tiny snatch to pound town (9:26). I especially liked the googly eyes she makes at the audience while sucking her co-star’s cock (1:19).

This was a toughie, but I respect Eva Angelina way too much. She’s helped me through some tough times — they were called high school (Thanks Eva!). And Eva Angelina’s got the better overall package compared to the still relatively small Melanie Rios.

Better luck next time Melanie. Keep up the amazing work.

Midwest Bracket – Round of 32

Chanel Preston vs BiBi Jones

This has all the makings of an upset. BiBi Jones is a star on the rise but there isn’t too much of her work out there, which is a darn shame. Chanel Preston has been in the game for a while and is just hitting the big circus it seems as she’s been upping her workload at a ferocious pace recently.

As the 16 seed, Chanel Preston has been riding a lot more than a huge wave of momentum coming into this thing. This thing being her warm and wet snatch. Although it was difficult to find a creampie video of hers, I was able to scrounge up a 5 minute clip. I know, I was disappointed too. I was looking forward to watching her get drilled (0:46) before seeing what she does with the whole creampie thing. And let me just say, she does a lot with it. Remember that push I talked about earlier? Well Chanel Preston not only dribbles out a healthy dose of jizz (1:47-2:10) but later on she oozes out what can only be described as a stream of gooey semen (2:46). It’s amazing.

BiBi Jones comes into the ring with her very first credited creampie. I’ll start off by saying that the production value on this thing was off the charts! Sort of filmed like a softcore Skinemax production, I was expecting lesser emphasis on the sex and more on how hot she is. Boy, was I glad I was wrong. BiBi Jones brings a little spunk to the creampie scene and proves she’s more than just a pretty face and easy lay. She can ride dick (7:57) just as well as she can suck it (5:30). Considering the higher production value I was surprised at how often the goddamn director kept switching back and forth between close-ups and wide shots. Until we got to the creampie (21:10-22:36). Now I see what he/she were doing there.

While I certainly enjoyed BiBi Jones’s performance, there’s no denying the allure of Chanel Preston and her amazing vagina. That creampie was top-notch and for that she gets the win in the upset.

East Bracket – Round of 32

Breanne Benson vs Renae Cruz

First off, what’s with the terrible bleaching job? I prefer Breanne Benson as a brunette but didn’t hold the blonde locks against her. I mean, she was playing a cheerleader, right? While it took some time before the action picked up (12:20!), Breanne Benson and her pretty little hump did not fail to deliver. It was a fun little performance that started off with some slow kissing and teasing before full-fledged barrage of pelvic thrusts took over most of the action (24:44). The much-anticipated creampie shot makes an appearance at the 30:03 mark. Breanne Benson, as expected, looked hot during the entire performance.

Renae Cruz gets axe-murdered by some big black dick (1:55, 6:21, 10:49) before delivering a very short but mostly enjoyable creampie (17:14). What I enjoyed most? That little hint of surprise in Renae’s voice as she feels her co-star emptying out his tool in her shed. “Oh ooh”. Haha.

Both girls disappointed in their creampie pushes, but Breanne Benson’s push is kind of weak in comparison to Renae Cruz. Also she queefed (30:22), so minus points for that.

Renae Cruz pushes it out for the win.

South Bracket – Round of 32

Allie Haze vs Asa Akira

Since discovering Allie Haze, I have had a growing infatuation with her. Maybe because she reminds me of a girls I once jerked off to in elementary school, or maybe it’s because she’s hot and admittedly loves to eat pussy (1:27). She’s got a great ass for a white girl (2:44). She looks great giving a blowjob (6:34). And even better when she’s taking dick (7:48). How was her creampie (17:47)? Awesome. She’s got a pretty vagina which helps and while she doesn’t push one out, the steady stream flows out of her right down into her ass crack (18:23).

So why all the praise for Allie Haze? Well, because Asa Akira is a very strong contender to win it all. I mean, spoiler alert, she’s moving on to the next round. Not because she’s into wearing nurse outfits. And definitely not because she’s Asian. It’s because she has an insatiable appetite for sex. So it’s fitting that the Queen of Anal performs an anal creampie (27:13) after spending no less than 13 minutes taking it in the ass.

So yeah, no one is touching Asa Akira right now. She’s tearing shit up — and I’m not talking about her asshole.

And here we are. The Round of 32 has finally finally been settled. You got a little taste of the weird, so hopefully my penis can recover from this and we’ll crown a Champion sooner or later.