Is This How The Real World Operates

The day I’ve been waiting for.

I’m #@$%ing pumped! Looks to me like all I need to do is apply using an online form. And there’s a casting call at Chelsea Studios on Oct. 29. Awesome!

Brief Bio:

Most people call me Pudge. I don’t trust people who don’t have nicknames. As you can probably guess, I don’t look like most of your past Real World cast members. But I’ve been steadily losing the baby fat. I also have squinty eyes. So I definitely don’t look like any past male cast members. 26 seasons and not one Asian-American male? I want to be that guy.

About me: I went to high school about 3 blocks away from the WTC. 2001 was my freshman year. I tore both rotator cuffs because I thought I could play varsity football. I mostly got in people’s ways, which sort of worked out. I graduated from University of Michigan with a Sports Management degree. I maintain a blog while promoting Pernod liquor brands at bars in Metro NY. My blog is at http://NoRubbers.tv. Check it out. I think it fits your demo. If your demo were depraved souls with too much time and lotion on their hands.

I may be addicted to sex… Or porn? All I know is that I jerk off way too much.

I may die tomorrow and would be perfectly fine with that. Probably because it’d be all my fault anyways.

Craziest thing I’ve ever done? Gone to Cancun for Spring Break.

Stupidest thing I’ve ever done? Smuggled weed into Mexico for said Spring Break.

Who smuggles bud into Mexico — the country where they smuggle weed out of? This guy. Why buy from a Mexican cholo when you can buy American? Am I right? Unfortunately for me, my friends and I stayed at a shit hotel a bus ride away from everyone else, guaranteeing that I’d never sell it all. I had about 7/8 of an ounce bagged up into grams. So we decided to what any one else would do in that situation. Smoke as much of it as possible. Ask how our booze cruise went. When we couldn’t smoke it all. I had to smuggle it back out of Mexico and into Houston. I taped it underneath my dick.

Don’t believe me? Ask my friends about the last time someone didn’t believe a story of mine. Spoiler Alert: I threatened to jump off a bridge in Pittsburgh. I always like to keep a witness to my antics. I’ve got references!

Wow, that was painless. Oh wait, there’s more.

I’m ready for my close-up, bitches!