Author Archives: the chronic fornicator

Would You Wednesday

Posted on June 19, 2013 | Leave a comment

Man of Steel came out this past weekend to record breaking numbers. And according to whoever you asked, the movie was either a huge disappointment or perfectly satisfying. But no matter what side of the spectrum you may fall on, there’s at least one thing that everyone is agreeing with, which is that Lois Lane is still very much a fox.

No matter what critics thought of the overall movie, they all agree that Amy Adams did a great job with updating Lois Lane for today’s audiences.

Doesn’t really matter who is playing her because Lois Lane is and always will be the perfect superhero love interest. She’s all take no shit, snappy with the jokes and has just the right amount of power suit going on that you could totally see her kicking ass alongside Superman.

Until she’s tied up and crying for help. Feminism — the fight never ends.

Lois Lane — Would you…lois-lane-1-joan-alexander lois-lane-4-noel-neill lois-lane-8-phyllis-coates lois-lane-9-margot-kidder lois-lane-17-teri-hatcher lois-lane-18-kate-bosworth lois-lane-24-erica-durance MAN OF STEELwith no rubbers?

More Lois Lanes through the years after the jump.

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Posted in Boob Tube, Would You Wednesday

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Sofia Vergara’s Twitter Shot Of Her Booty Adds Even More Fuel To “Tits Or Ass?” Debate

Posted on June 18, 2013 | Leave a comment

The debate in my pants rages on: Tits or Ass? Tits? Or Ass?

Sofia Vergara recently tweeted this:

The internets went crazy. And for good reason. That shot of her awesome, and surprisingly overlooked, rump was enough to keep the sides fighting. It’s the age old question that has haunted mankind since they discovered the forbidden fruit. How we choose to answer dictates so much of our movements, of our thinking and of our destinies, really.

But as you will see, there are no losers when regarding Sofia Vergara’s tits or ass. Because she has both fantastic breasts and an amazing ass.

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Tits

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Or ass?

Win. Win.

More .gifs of Sofia’s jiggly tits after the jump. Because they’re awesome.

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Posted in Hardbodies, Tweets Twits Twats

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Haley King Took Her Chest-Puppies Out For A Walk To The Daytime Emmy Awards

Posted on June 18, 2013 | Leave a comment

Haley King as you may or may not remember is Selena Gomez’s super busty teenaged friend. She’s got fantastic tits and since she’s barely legal (she’s 19!), you’re still kind of unsure of whether her tits are totally fake or totally real. Because who really knows? On one hand, 19 year old girls really shouldn’t have tits that nice while on the other hand, 19 year old girls should have tits that nice because they’re 19 and totally legal.

The 40th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel - Arrivals

She plays an 18 year old on “The Young and the Restless”

40th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards

Has anyone noticed that tattoo before? I demand to see more!

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The cleavage shot that we’ve all been looking for

Haley King… Why God gave man two hands.

More pics of Haley King’s twin cannons after the jump.

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Farrah Abraham Went Through Hell To Get Newer Bigger Tits Before Showing Them Off At Sapphire’s Pool Party In Vegas (NSFW)

Posted on June 18, 2013 | Leave a comment

Farrah Abraham is the worst kind of reality star. The kind addicted to fame.

When a reality TV show chronicling your teen pregnancy, your terrible relationship with your own mother and several failed boyfriends wasn’t enough, you usually resign yourself to giving up your time in the spotlight. Unless you’re like Farrah Abraham who wouldn’t her 15 minutes of psuedo-celebrity fade into the wind. Instead, Farrah Abraham did the next most logical thing which was to star in her own porno. But only after upgrading her tits to some C’s.

And now that the hoopla surrounding her now burgeoning porn career is already dying down, Farrah knows that the only way to truly succeed in the business of selling one’s self is to “throw some D’s on that bitch”.

Exclusive - Farrah Abraham Going For Breast Enhancement Surgery

New toys!

But after seeing these NSFW pics of Farrah’s tiny torn up chest (after the jump),  I promise never to ask a girl to get a boob job. Unless bigger tits is what she wants. And that’s exactly what Farrah wanted. Because after getting off to her own porno for the sixteenth time, Farrah Abraham must’ve came to the same conclusion as every one of her five fans: “Damn, I wish she had bigger tits”.

Farrah Abraham Has Fun Poolside at the Sapphire Pool & Day Club

That backdoor that gave Farrah Abraham new life

Farrah Abraham Hosts The Sapphire Pool & Day Club

I can’t believe she just got paid to show off the new funbags!

Farrah Abraham hosts Sapphire Pool and Day Club

Stop investing in your chest and start doing something about the butterface

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, Farrah Abraham came out of that bloody ordeal sporting a bright blue bikini for Sapphire’s Pool Party in Vegas this past weekend and showed off her newer and bigger funbags.

More pics of the actual boob job (BLOODY!) and at the pool party after the jump.

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Posted in Gossip-Mongering, Hardbodies

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Miss Connecticut Erin Brady May Have Won The Miss USA 2013 Crown, But Miss Utah Stole The Show

Posted on June 17, 2013 | Leave a comment
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Your Top 6 Miss USA 2013 Semi-Finalists

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Miss Connecticut and Miss Alabama hold hands #howeveryfantasyusuallystarts

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The moment Erin Brady has been waiting for — taking the crown from a black woman

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AIn’t no one touching that tiara

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Her smile is saying, “I’m so happy”, but her eyes are saying, “Get me out of these heels”

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Donald Trump knows how to pick ‘em

Beauty pageants really are something, aren’t they?

I mean, where else can you elicit the cooperation of a bevy of babes from all corners of the country to compete in a televised contest where they are judged purely on their attractiveness? Because, let’s be honest, no one really cares what is coming out of that pretty girl’s mouth.

Unless it’s something as ridiculous as what Marissa Powell (Miss Utah 2013) had to say. In fact, I don’t really know what the big deal is. Did you really expect her to have an enlightening answer to gender inequality and women’s rights? C’mon. Just look at her!

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Giuliana Rancic is all like Miss Utah just undid centuries worth of women’s rights

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But hey, at least she looks good in a swimsuit

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And she’s really good at taking pictures!

I usually watch all beauty pageants on mute anyways. They’re better that way.

Congrats to the new Miss USA — Miss Erin Brady. Most Connecticut name ever. 

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Neon green dresses look better on my bedroom floor

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Impressive showing by the state of Connecticut

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“Victory!”

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Damn, she’s a stunner

More pics of the new champ Erin Brady after the jump.

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Valerie Dodds AKA Val Midwest Is A Goddamn American Hero For Posing Nude Outside Her Old Catholic High School (NSFW)

Posted on June 14, 2013 | Leave a comment

I don’t normally post about pornstars unless it’s for a very good reason. And masturbating with a crucifix on school grounds is as good of a reason as any.

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Valerie Dodds just don’t give a #@$%

Meet Valerie Dodds, a former Pius X High School student turned internet pornstar. She recently made the news for standing up for herself after all the mean girls found out about her extracurricular activities. Yeah, there’s nothing quite like sticking a crucifix (among other things) up your vagina to get back at all the kids who once said mean things to you.

Valerie should be recognized for her bravery and for standing up for her civil liberties. “What civil liberties was she protecting?”, you may be asking yourself. Well, the First Amendment, of course. The Freedom of Speech and one’s ability to express oneself. Probably the most important right we have as Americans.

And if she just so happens to express herself by posting up pictures of herself sticking things up her vagina and then charging a flat membership fee for access to those pictures online, well that’s her prerogative. I mean, who are we to judge? Amirite?

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Normally she doesn’t wear this much clothes

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Well, that’s one way to use a public bathroom

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You know damn well where those bananas are going

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Still young enough to pose with stuffed animals in her photoshoots

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I think I love you?

Go ahead, Valerie Dodds. Keep sticking things up your vagina.

More pics of Valerie Dodds aka Val Midwest after the jump (VERY NSFW).

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Posted in Headliners, Don't Get Caught

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