4½ Things You Should Probably Know About Gangnam Style

You’ve seen the video by now. Multiple times.

And you’ve probably seen some, if not all, of the parody videos out there as well. In fact, you’ve probably watched and listened to this song so many times that you’re beginning to ask yourself what the hell is this? Where did it come from? And what does it all mean?

Four and a half things you should probably know about Gangnam Style:

Turns out Gangnam Style just means anal.—
Andy Richter (@Andy_Richter) September 18, 2012

1. Gangnam Style does not mean anal. It also doesn’t mean gangbang, interracial gangbang, or auto-erotic asphyxiation. In fact, Gangnam has absolutely nothing to do with sex. Rather it is an affluent neighborhood of South Korea’s capital city, Seoul. So, what the hell does “Gangnam Style” mean? In one word: bougie. In several words: It is the bastardization of Westernized society, one where excess and materialism is valued far more than altruism, after being fully integrated into the culture of South Korea (the internets’ words, not mine).

2. It’s really a love song. I lied. It is about sex. Every thing is always about sex. The song, on face-value, is a declaration of love to the perfect broad for my man Psy who’s doing all the crazy dances. And according to the song, the perfect girl is from Gangnam, where bougie things like yoga, coffee, horses, big-ass sunglasses, indoor tennis courts, and bath houses, ain’t no thang. Materialistic girls are the best, because if you ever want them to shut their yaps all you’ve gotta do is throw them a new Coach bag.

3. Psy won’t change the world. Recently signed by Belieber Scooter Braun, Psy is poised to continue pandering to the masses which will hopefully open up some doors for more squinty-eyed #@$%ers. And even though it won’t change the world, Gangnam Style’ll certainly help chip away at the barriers blocking Asian men from doing anything more than playing doctors, lawyers, and grocery store clerks in American media. Stereotypes may be right 100% of the time, but that doesn’t mean that all Asian people are masters of calculus who can’t pronounce their L’s. In fact, Psy’s immediate burst into American mainstream is proof enough that America is ready to embrace their Asian clown. Someone call Ken Jeong and tell him he’s not needed anymore.

4. The joke may be on us. Psy isn’t a dumb dude. He went to college here in the United States and graduated from the Berklee School of Music in Boston, which is known for producing a prodigious amount of Grammy Award winning alum (221 Grammy Awards). Gangnam Style has been described as a satire on the worst of what Westernized culture has to offer in probably its most shining example of a fully imperialized state. And the tune is being offered in the most sterilized form of consumption for the masses that we don’t even know that there’s a joke in there somewhere. Bravo Psy, you just fooled 220 million viewers into laughing at something that they barely understand. And you’re about to be No. 1 on the Billboard ‘Hot 100′.

4½. I taught your moms how to Gangnam Style.