The Olympic Village sounds like a very magical place.
Where else on Earth can you gather up more than 10,000 of the most healthiest athletes from all parts of the world in one concentrated area of a major city? Only in London 2012.
In a story published in ESPN The Magazine’s The Body Issue (July 2012), writer Sam Allpour exposes all the dirty little sex secrets of what sounds like the very best orgy that only comes around every four years.
Four and a half things you should probably know about the Olympic Village:
1. Everyone’s looking to get laid. Gymnasts. Swimmers. Pole Vaulters. And Skeet Shooters. Even the parapalegics are gonna get some lovin’. I mean, this may be the single largest collection of some of the best looking bodies you’ll ever see and it only comes around once every four years. So… why not make some memories? Everyone’s running on testosterone and adrenaline, looking to burn an insane amount of calories (9,000 calories/day diets!) anyways, and the fastest way to do relieve stress is to find a flat surface and hit up pound town.
2. Debauchery was invented by the Greeks. And so was the first orgy. Keeping in line with the spirit of the Olympic Games, first held in Greece, the Olympics continue to espouse the virtues of fair play and sportsmanship. And by growing itself into the single most-watched sporting event in the world through an endless supply of ever-increasing sponsorship, TV revenue, and fierce competition, the Olympic Games have truly become a celebration of the “amateur athlete”. So, be like the Ancient Greeks and party like Athens is on fire!
3. First rule of the Olympics: Practice safe sex. 100,000 condoms. That is now the standing order for how many condoms are ordered each and every Olympic Games. That astronomical figure represents an increase of 30,000 prophylactics originally ordered for the 2000 Sydney Games. Apparently 70,000 rubbers aren’t enough for 10,000 athletes. Honestly, if you asked me they shouldn’t be using condoms at all. Why not #@$% with no rubbers and make an entirely new race of superhuman, athletically gifted yet racially ambiguous superbabes?
4. The best day is always the last day. When the Games are finally over, there’s a huge party hosted by the host nation. Then there’s a final
orgy farewell inside the Olympic Stadium during the Closing Ceremonies which us regular folk can’t watch. It usually involves Team USA’s Women’s Soccer Team getting plastered and sneaking celebrities in an out of Hope Solo’s room. I’m not sure if you were aware, but Hope Solo catches balls for a living. And since these are athletes we’re talking about, their stamina allows for the party to continue on the plane ride home.
4½. I call dibs on Alex Morgan.