Last week, Fred Willard was arrested for lewd conduct. In a porno theater. Obviously, he was caught with his pants down. Masturbating.
“I swear to you, my hands are clean!”
He was masturbating in an adult movie theater. Wait, people still attend adult movie theaters?
Fortunately for Fred, the charges won’t “stick” due to a technicality in the law, which states that the lewd act must be within earshot of offended parties — which sounds a lot more disgusting that it should. So basically, Fred Willard got off.
And now YouPorn, that adult video streaming giant with a heart of gold, has offered to send Fred Willard a brand-new laptop in an effort to educate our senior citizens still inclined to clear the pipes and check the plumbing.
Because well, let’s face it, no one should be jerking off in a porno theater anymore.
Here’s an excerpt of the open letter YouPorn sent to Fred Willard:
“We are very impressed that at your age you still have such a strong, and healthy libido Fred! That’s why we wanted to educate you a little more on some of society’s newest advances to help you achieve orgasm from the privacy of your own home!
First there is our website, youporn.com which is found on a place called the “internet”. Some people say that former Vice President of the United States, Al Gore invented it, (but that’s a whole different discussion).”
Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/282444/youporn-offers-adult-theater-fan-fred-willard-a-free-computer/#PmzCRXpB4itZb5tH.99