“What if pornstars were sports franchises?”
“Then we wouldn’t need to pay Derek Jeter $25 million to hit balls.”
That is a conversation I just had with myself.
And the inspiration for today’s post!
1. Jenna Jameson as the New York Yankees
Jenna Jameson is an icon. A pornstar legend. Historically speaking, she is without rival. Much like the Yankees. A juggernaut of the biz, Jenna Jameson made her mark not only by taking on an enormous amount of dick but also by crossing over into the mainstream — the true benchmark for any pornstar. As far as I’m concerned, she’s the gold standard for any successful sports franchise.
2. Lisa Ann as the San Antonio Spurs
Long in the tooth but still performing at an elite level, Lisa Ann is so much like the San Antonio Spurs I’ll just end the anal-ysis here.
3. Phoenix Marie as the New York Jets
Brash and super-talented. Talks a lot of trash. More concerned with attracting headlines and twitter followers, Phoenix Marie is in a kind of holding pattern. Trying to reach the highest level of competition involves not only talent but good coaching. There is no doubt they have the talent to go all the way but can they get over the hump by moving past the off-the-field distractions and beating down every one standing in their path? We’ll see.
4. Faye Reagan as the Oklahoma City Thunder
On the cusp of a dynasty, the Oklahoma City Thunder is rightthere. Faye Reagan is also rightthere. While her über-talent has been evident to anyone who has been following, Faye Reagan keeps it pretty low-key. She just basically goes into work every day and takes care of business. Much like the Thunder.
5. Lexi Belle as the New Orleans Saints
The Saints didn’t start contending for championships until Drew Brees came in. Lexi Belle also went through a rapid rise up the ladder as soon as she dyed her hair blonde. Now, she’s regularly cited as one to keep queued up in your running playlist of streaming videos to watch. Super-talented and really performs with a ton of heart. Drew Brees would be proud of the Louisiana-born native.
6. Sasha Grey as the Pittsburgh Penguins
Sasha Grey had loads of talent, or rather, she swallowed loads of talent. Huge loads. Down her throat. She looked good doing it. She was untouchable for much of her career. No one was stepping to her and few would’ve thought she would go out the way she did. After winning the Stanley Cup in 2008-2009, the storied franchise of the Pittsburgh Penguins fell off a cliff. With the unfortunately impending loss of wunderkind Sidney Crosby, I doubt whether the Penguins will ever hoist Stanley’s Cup up ever again. Much like I doubt whether Sasha Grey will ever lift a dick to her asshole ever again. Gone way too soon.
9. Ron Jeremy as Stan Van Gundy