In a society where celebrities are worshiped on an almost daily basis, it’s inevitable that we run into stories about their intense romances, perfect marriages, and/or their alleged affairs. It makes for great gossip and has spawned an entire industry.
Luckily for you I don’t imbibe in that sort of childish folly.
Why? Because making up shit is so much more fun. Let’s take all the famous people in the news lately and match them up! It’s like Millionaire Matchmaker without the orange Jew.
These Famous Celebrities Should Totally Hook Up
1. Jeremy Lin & Kate Upton. Now this would just be Lin-sane! The newest cover model of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue going out with the baller who just might save the Knicks? Not only would this hook-up be amazing for the entire Asian population, but just imagine all the hoopla surrounding this imaginary power couple? Then the Lin-sanity could really begin. A Harvard Grad with NBA range going out with one of the youngest yet most popular models in the game right now? Shit, it might actually prove that some models do have enough brains to hold a conversation.
2. Chris Brown & Lindsay Lohan. Yes, I know what most of you are thinking, “How could you give up on boo-boo like that?”. I know. It’s hard to imagine my favorite cokehead with anyone else but me, but this may be good for both celebs. The entire public wants to slap some sense into Lohan and Chris just wants to slap a ho. So, why not? Breezy gets a girl he can practice his right hook on and LiLo gets to stay in the news. It’s a win-win for the both of them.
3. Demi Moore & Justin Bieber. This was just too easy. Demi Moore is a cradle robber and continues to spiral downward since divorcing Bruce Willis, a real man’s man. So it shouldn’t be too hard to imagine her with everyone’s favorite baby-faced singer. While Justin may never leave Selena Gomez, I’m pretty sure Demi could pull out her Striptease moves and still bring the ruckus.
4. Tim Tebow & Kim Kardashian. Oh, you didn’t know Kim Kardashian has a thing for athletes? While Kim Kardashian has dated numerous athletes ranging from very talented to not so talented, there’s no denying that she comes from a long line of jersey chasers (see: Kris Jenner, Khloe Kardashian). So why not pair her up with the most polarizing athlete of our generation? Tim Tebow would allow Kim the opportunity to never ever leave the spotlight and if they ever break up he may just become a better quarterback (see: Reggie Bush, Miles Austin, Kris Humphries).
Now all of these are just, you know, hypotheticals. I’m not saying they can happen, but I’m definitely not saying they can’t happen. Love is a strange thing and who knows, maybe the Hollywood machine can manufacture some chance encounters between some of these potential mates and watch the sparks fly. Otherwise we’ll end up with these bitter bitches: