The Life Of A Cocksman

Bros, lend me your ears!

Why is it that bros are constantly getting crucified by happily employed entry-level interns? Is there a new feminist movement that is threatening to upturn the very pillars of a male-dominated society? Is this woman’s way of planting the seeds of revolution — one that preaches equality and justice for all genders? Or is this just another case of some prissy blogger mad that she ain’t getting enough dick in her life? USC’s Kappa Sig will most probably say it’s the third one.

Jezebel is in an uproar (aren’t they always?) because they recently discovered an email being passed around campus describing women as “targets” and “pies”. In said email, practical advice is doled out to help further along Kappa Sigs’ progress in becoming a “cocksman” of the highest order. Bros, everywhere are familiar with the terms and ratings, so this isn’t anything ground-breaking. Unfortunately, this email has found its way into the hands of administrators and is leading to an investigation. My advice to these young men:

“No one likes a snitch. Keep your yaps shut. It’s a brave new world we’re living in, where female graduates are getting hired at higher rates than males and succeeding. There’s a change coming and if we do nothing to stop them, order as we know it will cease to exist. No longer will you be free to prey on vulnerable freshmen sorostitutes. No longer will you be able to enjoy your total lack of responsibilities and consequences of your actions. No longer will you be able to enjoy the spoils of being an invincible young man. Man as we know him is dying a slow and tortuous death. Your very way of life is being threatened. Consider this your call to arms. Do your part. Nut up and shut up. Bro.”