Thanks to an incredibly detailed analysis by our feminist empowering shrews at feminist empowering blog, Jezebel, the most definitive evidence society has in declaring once and for all what every man has at one time or another thought.
Anywhere I go a fly girl will please me, East to West college girls are easy
Not only did this girl who, no doubt, embraced her status as the “coolest chick” on Duke’s campus (hint: code word for “easy lay”) touch a bunch of naked penises, she made a PowerPoint presentation out of it. PowerPoint? Jesus, I did less work for my final capstone projects than this study which must have entailed countless hours of “research”. Of course, my research never entailed me getting rug burn on my knees and sexting like Tiger Woods. So hooray, you whore!
I commend her though, not for shining a light on the double standard that Jersey Shore so eloquently pointed out last night, but I commend her for empowering herself as a woman with a gaping hole of a vagina. Who cares if she wants to be a huge whore, at least she’s woman enough to admit she’s a size queen and not superficial at all. Yes, that’s jealousy you detect because I obviously have to rely on my grotesque personality to bed females.
Cum Come to think of it, 13 dudes over a 4 year run is only a significant amount to someone who spends most of their days sitting on their ass in front of a computer screen, so technically she’s not a whore. Makes you think what kind of chaos would ensue if facebook were just a huge ranking system for potential hook-ups, like it had originally been conceived.
I’d actually be interested to see what a fuck list would look like for a real whore like say… Paris Hilton. That list has gotta be like finding the last digit to pi. Mind-blowing stuff. Kind of like her blowjobs. For safety’s sake, I hope she uses rubbers. Like three at a time. Her vagina’s probably oozing mutating lifeforms.