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Miranda Kerr Don’t Need No Stinking Victoria’s Secret, Her Tits Are Looking Just Fine (NSFW)

Posted on May 17, 2013 by the chronic fornicator | Leave a comment

Miranda Kerr is off to some start after her contract with Victoria’s Secret was not renewed. Not that I was too worried. She’s doing just fine. Thank you very much.

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“Sliding into a bathing suit and looking sexy. It’s like riding a bike” – Miranda Kerr

Clearly, Miranda Kerr hasn’t forgotten how to fit into itty bitty swimsuits and look sexy for the camera. And she seems to be in good spirits, considering that she’s already had what looks like an unfortunate(?) wardrobe malfunction on set. In fact, based off of these photos alone, it took Miranda Kerr a lot longer to realize that her tits were out than the P.A. whose initial instinct was to immediately grab a large sheet to cover Miranda Kerr’s chest with.

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I’ll admit that the P.A. knew shit was about to go down

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So tiny, yet so perfect!

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Shake it off, Miranda. Shake it off

Seriously, how was covering Miranda Kerr’s bare tits your first reaction?

More pics of Miranda Kerr’s itty bitties after the jump (NSFW). Also in .gif form!

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Posted in Hardbodies

Tagged adorable, babes, bathing suits, beach angle pose, beach body, beautiful, bikini, bombshell, boobies, boobs, breasts, chick, cute, cutie, fashion, gorgeous, great tits, Hardbodies, hot, hottie, knockout, MILF, Miranda Kerr, models, natural breasts, nice nips, nice tits, nip slip, nipple, NSFW, photoshoot, sexy, small tits, smokeshow, smokin', supermodel, tits, titties, topless, Victoria's Secret, Victoria's Secret Angels

Victoria’s Secret Trotted Out Adriana Lima, Lily Aldridge and Behati Prinsloo To Show Us What Is Sexy

Posted on May 16, 2013 by the chronic fornicator | Leave a comment

Every year, usually around the same time of year, Victoria’s Secret will take it upon themselves to inform the public “What Is Sexy?” by putting out a comprehensive list for all of us regular #@$%ers to read, learn and memorize. That list came out earlier this week.

How’d I know that? Because they trotted out Adriana Lima, Lily Aldridge and Behati Prinsloo to some blocked off location in Santa Monica and had them blowing kisses into the wind — kisses that’ll never make it across my lips.

Supermodel Adriana Lima attends the Victoria's Secret Angels 8th Annual What Is Sexy? List at Shutters in Santa Monica

Use your tongue, Adriana Lima. More tongue

Supermodel Lily Aldridge attends the Victoria's Secret Angels 8th Annual What Is Sexy? List at Shutters in Santa Monica

Blow harder, Lily Aldridge. Blow harder

Supermodel Behati Prinsloo attends the Victoria's Secret Angels 8th Annual What Is Sexy? List at Shutters in Santa Monica

Not so much teeth, Behati Prinsloo. Watch the teeth

What Is Sexy? Adriana Lima, Lily Aldridge and Behati Prinsloo, hair blowing in the wind, is my definition of sexy.

More pics of sexy Victoria’s Secret models after the jump.

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Posted in Boob Tube, Hardbodies

Tagged Adriana Lima, babes, beautiful, Behati Prinsloo, blow kiss, bombshell, chicks, gorgeous, hot, hottie, knockout, Lily Aldridge, lips, marketing, models, Perfect 10, sexy sells, smokeshow, smokin', Victoria's Secret, Victoria's Secret Angels, VS Angels, What Is Sexy

Melanie Iglesias Will Make You Want To Listen To Electronic Dance Music

Posted on May 16, 2013 by the chronic fornicator | Leave a comment

Melanie Iglesias is that sexy that she’ll make you want to hit play on this video. Even though it features a rave-y glove lightshow set toBingo Players’ “Buzzcut”. Yes, Melanie Iglesias will make you do things that you don’t want to do. It’s a fact. Don’t fight it, just let it take over and enjoy the ride. Trust Melanie Iglesias.

Just in case you were wondering what in the hell you just watched and listened to, here’s a helpful little video from Vice’s brand new EDM blog, THUMP, explaining what EDM means to fans of the new music craze that’s taking over all the young people’s minds.

I blame it on the drugs. Or that chick Molly that everyone seems to be looking for.

Melanie Iglesias looks like a partier

Who taught Melanie Iglesias how to dress? I want to kiss him or her

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I wouldn’t be surprised if I found out that Melanie Iglesias didn’t own a single t-shirt

And now you can add Melanie Iglesias to the list of reasons why EDM is so popular nowadays.

More pics of Melanie Iglesias and her perfect cleavage after the jump.

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Posted in Boob Tube, Hardbodies, Music

Tagged Bingo Players, boobies, boobs, breasts, Buzzcut, chest-puppies, chesticles, cleavage, cleave, dance party, Dubstep, EDM, electronic dance music, fantastic breasts, funbags, great ass, great rack, great tits, Hardbodies, hot, hottie, House, jugs, knockers, lightshow, mammaries, Melanie Iglesias, melons, Molly, Music, music video, nice ass, nice butt, nice outfit, nice pair, nice tits, party, rack, rave, sexy, THUMP, tits, titties, Trance, vice

Miley Cyrus And A Whole Herd Of Hotties Showed Up To Maxim’s Hot 100 Party In Hollywood Last Night

Posted on May 16, 2013 by the chronic fornicator | Leave a comment

And they all looked fantastic.

Some more so than others. Which is why we rank hotties, amirite?

No. 1? No. 1 according to Maxim.

Miley Cyrus was ranked No. 1. Which I don’t really have a problem with because she’s made herself pretty available for photoshoots, tabloid headlines, and such. And she was at the forefront of the whole pixie haircut trend, which is turning out to be a good thing. As long as she continues to put out twerk videos in furry pj’s.

Kind of makes up for all the shitty videos of white girls failing at twerking.

But the party in Hollywood wasn’t just a celebration for Miley Cyrus. Hotties like Arianny Celeste, Brittney Palmer, Dawn Olivieri, Jessica Clark, Jessica Sutta, Kellie Pickler, Natalie Pack, Pia Toscano, Bar Paly, Bria Murphy, Shayne Murphy, Zulay Henao, Kendra Wilkinson, Danielle Fishel (Topanga!), Ronda Rousey, Playmate Nikki Leigh and Janina Gavankar all also showed up to the Hollywood event celebrating Maxim’s Hot 100 list last night.

If you ranked the hotties on their ability to take a hit, Ronda Rousey would be No. 1

Topanga!!! No. 1 to any “Boy Meets World” fan

Pia Toscano arrives at 'Maxim's 2013 Hot 100 Party' held at The Vanguard in Hollywood

Pia Toscano didn’t win American Idol but, apparently, she won the genetic lottery

Bria Murphy arrives at 'Maxim's 2013 Hot 100 Party' held at The Vanguard in Hollywood

Eddie Murphy’s daughter, Bria, is a bad broad

Kendra Wilkinson knows how to dress for these kind of events

Brittney Palmer’s smile is goddamn infectious

Arianny Celeste oozes sex

Sorry I missed it. Looked like fun. Must’ve threw out my invite by accident.

More pics of Maxim’s hotties after the jump.

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Posted in Hardbodies

Tagged Arianny Celeste, babes, Bar Paly, bombshell, Bria Murphy, Brittney Palmer, chicks, Danielle Fishel, Dawn Olivieri, Hardbodies, Hollywood, hot, hottie, Janina Gavankar, Jessica Clark, Jessica Sutta, Kellie Pickler, Kendra Wilkinson, knockout, Maxim, Maxim Hot 100, Miley Cyrus, models, Natalie Pack, Nikki Leigh, Pia Toscano, Red Carpet, Ronda Rousey, sexy, Shayne Murphy, smokeshow, smokin', tits, titties, twerk, Zulay Henao

Would You Wednesday

Posted on May 15, 2013 by the chronic fornicator | Leave a comment

Florida is a state that must suck. Not only is there an inordinate amount of ridiculously crazy news that always seems to be originating out of Florida but there’s also a buttload of crazy hot chicks that look good in bikinis that live there. So, if you were to combine the two, you’d think that a lot of its schools would have some ridiculously hot teachers, right? Wrong.

Seems like that’s not always the case after a Florida school in Martin County recently fired part-time model Olivia Sprauer for being too hot to teach its kids. But that’s okay with Olivia Sprauer, who also goes by Victoria James, because she was going to resign from teaching anyways and pursue her modeling full-time.

I think she made the right choice. Because #@$% kids.

Olivia Sprauer (aka Victoria James) — Would you… with no rubbers?

More pics of the hot teacher after the jump.

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Tagged babes, booty, chicks, crazy stupid news, fired, Florida, great ass, great rack, hot, hottie, models, nice ass, nice butt, nice rack, Olivia Sprauer, role model, sad news, sexy, smokeshow, smokin', teacher, Victoria James, Would You Wednesday, Would You With No Rubbers?

Nicole Neal And India Reynolds Perfectly Illustrate Just How Difficult The Blonde Or Brunette Debate Can Be Sometimes (NSFW)

Posted on May 15, 2013 by the chronic fornicator | Leave a comment

Blonde or Brunette?

The Blonde or Brunette Debate rages on. In my pants

For some it’s an easy decision. For many others, it’s as difficult a decision as vanilla versus chocolate. And now, thanks to a Nuts photoshoot featuring equally buxom babes in India Reynolds (The Brunette) and Nicole Neal (The Blonde), the “blonde or brunette” debate just got a little bit harder. And so did my penis.